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Announcer.....Amy Poehler Customer 1.....Will Ferrell Customer 2.....Seth Meyers Customer 3.....Tracy Morgan Voiceover.....Darrell Hammond Announcer: Hello. Do you have trouble relating to others? Do you have a great job, a terrific family and not a care in the world? Do the problems of others seem kind of alien and strange? Do you find yourself thinking: "Mortgages? Relationship troubles? Governmental invasion of privacy? Are u guys from Mars or something?". Don't worry, u're not alone. It's estimated that about 10% of people suffer from this condition known as 'Perfect Life Syndrome.'. Perfect job, perfect partner, perfect kids, perfect everything. But really life isn't so perfect for these people. Often they are shunned by others and become the subject of resentment and outrage. If 'Perfect Life Syndrome' is stopping you from fitting in with others and living a 'normal life', then this is for you. It's called Stressall. It's a miracle of modern science. Just one Stressall a day can give u the same stress level as an air traffic controller. Let's hear from one of our many satisfied customers. [Cut to Customer 1] Customer 1: Yes hello. Before Stressall, I didn't sweat anything. I didn't even know what stress was. I used to go to work, have fun, go home to my beautiful wife and kids and we'd spend the evening together. I didn't understand why my co-workers would roll their eyes whenever I talked about my life. Hey, I didn't sweat it. I was living in a fantasy world! Then a friend of mine suggested I try Stressall. And boy, I'm sure glad I did. After only one week on Stressall I became a total mess. I began yelling at my wife and ignoring my children altogether. Soon the stress became so unbearable that I began to drink. Yep, now I spend most of my time at the pub with my drinking buddies. How sweet it is. I finally fit in. Now when I tell my co-workers about my life they don't roll their eyes. They pat me on the back and offer to buy me a drink after work. For the first time in my life I truly feel in tune with the world. Thank u Stressall.[holds out bottle.] [Cut back to Announcer] Announcer: Do you enjoy going to school? Do you seem to ace every test even when you don't study? Do people call you smart? Does school seem like just another simple step in your life's masterplan which is unfolding exactly how u planned? Do you not care how others feel about you? Well you should. And thanks to Stressall you can. [Cut to Customer 2] Customer 2: Hi, my name is Billy. I used to be a straight 'A' student. I had a nice girl and my life was just going great. Then one day, one of my fellow schoolmates approached me and told me how badly I was making everyone else look. Of course I just laughed in his face. Then he threatened to kick the crap out of me if I continued to make him look bad. He recommended I try Stressall. Man, what a difference. After just two weeks I was a total wreck. As a matter of fact instead of aceing my next test I totally freaked out. I picked up my test paper, saw the spot where it said 'Name' and I crapped my pants! Literally! Before Stressall, I never realized that people thought I was a stuck up know it all. Well, it's pretty hard to maintain an air of superiority when u walk out of class with excrement running down your leg. Ha ha. Now, I'm just one of the gang. Thanks Stressall.[holds out bottle] [Cut to Announcer] Announcer: That's great. But that's not all. Stressall can actually make u money. But don't take my word for it. [Cut to Customer 3] Customer 3: I always wanted to be an artist. But let's face it, a rosy outlook on life just doesn't sell. [walks by pictures of rainbows and kittens and hearts and cute puppies.] Thanks to Stressall I was able to tap into the dark dreary side of life and become haunted by the infernal screams of a thousand inner demons. [walks by picture that has a grey rainbow and a kitty whose heart has been torn out by a crazy puppy.] Now people can't get enough of my work. Of course they're all waiting for me to keel over so their precious pictures that I painted will become priceless. Well to Hell with y'all! But thank you Stressall.[holds out bottle] [Cut to Announcer] Announcer: Stressall really works. How do I know it works you ask? Cause I'm also a client. That's right. My life was once perfect, but not anymore. If it was, would I be doing Infomercials? I don't think so. Thanks Stressall. [holds out bottle] Stressall, when life isn't giving u the stress u deserve.[looks around nervously] I gotta get out of this place...[exit announcer] Voiceover: Get Stressall today. Your choice of Nervous Nelly or new Overwhelming Anxiety formulas. Rate or review this sketch. |
