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Spokesman... Chris Parnell
Spokesman: Five years ago, a book was introduced to America, one which lifted the hearts and spirits of millions of readers. That book was "Chicken Soup for the Soul." Filled with uplifting and spiritual tales of ordinary people, Chicken Soup shot to the top of the New York Times Bestseller list, inspiring a whole generation. [Cut to a shot of a middle aged couple reading together. They look up, smile at each other, and hold hands.] Spokesman: A whole line of Chicken Soup books soon followed. There was "Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul," "Chicken Soup for the Traveller's Soul," and even "Chicken Soup for the Artist's Soul." And they were all bestsellers. America loves the Chicken Soup series. [Cut to a shot of a midget reading "Chicken Soup for the Midget's Soul." He looks up and smiles warmly at the camera.] Spokesman: But now, quite frankly, we've just about run out of Chicken Soup ideas. We've written most all of them, and even our more obscure titles became bestsellers. [Cut to a shot of Rosie O'Donnell reading "Chicken Soup for the Lesbian with a Giant Head's Soul. She looks up from her book and waves to us.] Spokesman: The success of our Chicken Soup line has baffled even us. We were a little confused when "Chicken Soup for the Albino's Soul" was a runaway hit. We were baffled that "Chicken Soup for Hulk Hogan's Soul" became a bestseller. And, to be honest, we were terrified that "Chicken Soup for the Pedophile's Soul" sold millions of copies. [Cut to a shot of Professor Stephen Hawking reading "Chicken Soup for the Paralyzed Astrophysicist's Soul. He smiles at us.] Spokesman: But now, we are proud to introduce our latest Chicken Soup book. We scoured the edges of the earth for a group which did not yet have their own Chicken Soup book, and we believe we have succeeded. Hitting bookstores this spring is our latest offering, "Chicken Soup for the Necrophiliac's Soul." [Cut to a shot of the book, "Chicken Soup for the Necrophiliac's Soul." It has a small picture of a headstone and a shovel on it.] Spokesman: Necrophiliacs around the world will be heartened at the tales of love, spirituality, morality, and illicit sex with corpses. Included are stories by Edgar Allen Poe, Stephen King, Maya Angelou, and a very special autobiographical piece by Anna Nicole Smith. Titles in this volume include: * "Encounter in the Morgue" * "If you squint just right, she kind of looks like Ashley Judd" * "Why do you just lie there? Don't you love me?" * "Graveyard romance" * "Cold on the outside, Warm on the inside" and "Jesus still loves me, right?" Spokesman: If you love uplifting stories, and enjoy giving it to dead people, you will enjoy a hearty bowl of THIS Chicken Soup. Be sure to reserve your copy today. Voiceover: "Chicken Soup for the Necrophiliac's Soul" goes on sale in April at Target, K-Mart, all major bookstores and funeral homes in America. [end] Rate or review this sketch. |
