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Announcer: This May, NBC turns 75 with a dynamic prime-time special: Britney Spears in The Ozarks. (Cut to deep woods, where Britney is standing at the banks of a river) Britney Spears: I'm really thrilled about my upcoming concert special, with special guest Charo! Here's some footage of Charo teaching me how to perform a daring water trick. (Cut to Britney and Charo riding on a raft) Charo: Okay, Britney, now's the time we jump, okay coochie? (Charo begins to lean towards the edge of the raft) Britney Spears: Say, ain't that my cousin? Hey'ya Lefty! (Lefty swims past Britney and Charo, popping the raft, knocking Charo off the raft and into his arms) Britney Spears: Say, it looks like you've found love, a'y Lefty? (Lefty nods in agreement, then begins to kiss Charo) (Cut back to Britney) Britney Spears: Also joining us are two of my favorite comedians. Louie Anderson and Charles Nelson Reiley! (Cut To rustic looking stage, where Louie and Charles are standing surrounded by chicken wire) Charles: (noticably nervous) And, uh, how's that Ashleigh Banfield. Ya know, she's just crazy. It's like everybody is just crazy. It's insane! I'm crazy! You're crazy! Everyone's crazy! (Cut to the audience of rednecks) Rednecks: We want Britney! We Want Britney! (The rednecks begin to throw liguor bottles at the chicken wire) (Louie Anderson walks on stage) Louie Anderson: I've always wondered about people like you. Where do you get those beer-can hats? (Angry, the rednecks throw bottles of beer at the stage) (Cut To Britney) Britney Spears: And, join us for the joy as I meet the house of one of my biggest fans. (Cut To porch of hillbillies' house) Britney Spears: Hi, I'm Britney Spears. Jo-Jo Barnes: Oh my god! Ma! Ma! Britney Spears at our door! Mae Bell Barnes: Oh, son, I'm so glad. But, wait a minute, don't you have a wife already? (Helen Thomas walks up and smacks Britney) Helen Thomas: Stay away from my man! Britney Spears: I don't want your man! Helen Thomas: Oh, now you're too good for him, uh. (Helen smacks Britney) Jo-Jo Barnes: Ma, finally, two women, fightn' over me! Mae Bell Barnes: I'm so proud, son! (Dean Edwards walks onto the stage) Dean Edwards: Why are you people in the audience applauding? This is crap! You white folks are stupid! Stupid! Man! (Dean Edwards walks off) (Cut To Britney) Britney Spears: Well, I hope ya'll watch my special. Dean Edwards: I'm not through with you, stupid pretty girl! Announcer: Britney Spears in the Ozarks. Saturday Night at Nine, after a special episode of Fear Factor, with hobos and homos. The best quality shows are on NBC. Rate or review this sketch. |
