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Rev. Eric Camden.....Alec Baldwin Annie Camden.....Ana Gasteyer Matt Camden.....Jeff Richards Mary Camden.....Amy Poehler Lucy Camden.....Tina Fey Ruthie Canden.....Rachel Dratch .....Stephen Collins [ open on WB logo ] Announcer: Next Monday, on all an new "7th Heaven", Rev. Camden lectures his son on his upcoming marriage to a Jewish girl.. [ cut to Father and Son sitting in the kitchen ] Rev. Eric Camden: Jewish girls have quite an active sex drive, Son. Matt Camden: I know, Dad. That's what made this decision such an amazingly easy one to make. Rev. Eric Camden: [ chuckles ] Yeah.. us clergymen have quite an active sex drive, too, you know? Matt Camden: Oh, well, I can imagine, Dad. You sired seven children. Rev. Eric Camden: That's right. It's just too unfortunate a man can't sire a child with another man, isn't it? Matt Camden: [ backing away slightly ] Dad? Rev. Eric Camden: I'm just saying, that's all. The weiner's one hell of a tool, Son. Use it with care. [ cut to scene in the hallway, as sisters Mary and Lucy argue wit one another ] Rev. Eric Camden: What are you girls fighting about now? Mary Camden: Lucy wants to go out with Robbie again, but I dated him first. Lucy Camden: She also dumped him first, so it's my turn again. Rev. Eric Camden: Listen, I don't want either of you dating Robbie. Besides, he's living under my roof now, so if anyone is going to date him, it's going to be me! Understood? Mary Camden: Dad? Lucy Camden: Dad? Mary Camden: You.. you like Robbie, Dad? Rev. Eric Camden: Doesn't everyone around here? Mary Camden: Matt and Simon don't.. at least, not that way. Rev. Eric Camden: Well, Matt and Simon don't know what they're missing. Lucy Camden: Does Mom know about this? Rev. Eric Camden: When does Mom ever worry about me? Lucy Camden: This could jumpstart it. Mary Camden: Dad, wait.. What if Robbie's not interested? Rev. Eric Camden: [ considers the question ] I suppose I could always fall back on Wilson. [ cut to Annie Camden trying to seduce Rev. Camden ] Annie Camden: Let me show you what I bought for you today. [ opens box and holds up red silk negligee over her chest ] Rev. Eric Camden: [ mildly defensive ] What do you expect me to do with that? Annie Camden: Well, here's how it works - I put it on, you take it off, and we have wild animal sex. Rev. Eric Camden: You're asking me for sexual relations? But you always get mad at me any time I try to initiate something between us. Annie Camden: Yes. But I was wrong. And I'm now realizing that. So, what do you say? Rev. Eric Camden: Well, see.. it's just that you're neglecting me in the physical sense has given me time to find other interests. Annie Camden: What other interests? Since the day I met you, all you could think about was having tawdry sex. We are a wild couple, Eric. We're not Catholic - that's not why we had so many kids. We're just two people who can't control themselves in the bedroom. I'll go slip into your present.. Rev. Eric Camden: Wait. Maybe if I could see this on.. Robbie. Annie Camden: On Robbie? Why Robbie? He's not one of ours. And he's a boy. Why not Mary, or Lucy.. why does it have to be Robbie? Rev. Eric Camden: I don't know.. he's got such a tight.. what's the word I'm looking for.. butt. Annie Camden: [ fumbling desperately ] We can do anal if you'd like! [ cut to Annie in the front room with youngest daughter Ruthie ] Ruthie Camden: How come Dad never notices me? Annie Camden: We have seven children, Ruthie. You younger ones are bound to get overlooked. How do you think the twins feel? [ cut to shot of the twin toddlers ] [ cut to Rev. Camden staring at his boys admonishingly ] Rev. Eric Camden:Ooh.. twins! [ dissolve to actor Stephen Collins appearing as himself in the promo ] Stephen Collins: Hi, I'm Stephen Collins. On "7th Heaven", we always try to do our best to comment on the issues of the day, be it the Holocaust, drugs, or racial insensitivity. This week, it's no different, as we comment on homosexuality in religion. Sure, the Catholic church will probably get upset with us, but our characters on the show are Methodists, so.. [ sticking tongue out ] ..nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! [ chuckles ] I swear.. this is my favorite episode ever! Announcer: That's next Monday, on "7th Heaven". Rate or review this sketch. |
