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School Dance
written by: Frank Stanko


Blind Kid... Maya Rudolph
Simple Kid... Jeff Richards
Principal Simpson...Alec Baldwin
Terry...Tracy Morgan
St. Vidus Dance Girl...Ana Gasteyer
Phoebe...Rachel Dratch


(Open on a school dance. A banner with the words "Hamilton Jr. High for The Disabled Senior Mixer falls to the ground and hits Blind Kid)

Blind Kid: Would somebody help fix the banner? Please?

(Simple Kid ambles by)

Simple Kid: I'll help you, Judy.

Blind Kid: Gee, thanks, Toby. (Lifts banner up) Wow, I can hardly believe it's already our senior mixer. Soon, we'll graduate, then it's Hamilton High for the Disabled, then Disabled College! I swear, the next eight years are gonna rock!

Simple Kid: (glum) It's nice to know you're optomistic. I just know I didn't do so well on my exams. I just wish that bull hadn't hit me so hard on the head.

Blind Kid: Aw, I'm sure you did just fine, Toby.

Simple Kid: You really think so?

Blind Kid: Sure. Say, you want to dance?

Simple Kid: Certainly.

(Blind Kid and Simple Kid dance as Principal Simpson walks up)

Principal Simpson: Hey, hey hey, kids. No touching!

Blind Kid & Simple Kid: Yes, Principal Simpson.

(Terry, a completely frightened kid, runs up to Principal Simpson)

Terry: (worried) Principal Simpson, Principal Simpson!

Principal Simpson: The exit's to the right, Terry. Darn those claustrophobic children.

(The St. Vidus Dance Girl, followed by several students with St. Vidus Dance, dances by)

Simple Kid: Boy, those St. Vidus Dance kids sure have rhythem.

(The music picks up again, as Blind Kid begins elaborately dancing with Simple Kid)

Blind Kid: I'm sorry, I just can't help myself.

(Simple Kid flips Blind Kid as Phoebe, on her wheelchair, races by)

Phoebe: I've seen better steps on a ladder.

Principal Simpson: Why don't you admit it, Phoebe. You make fun of people because you're depressed.

Phoebe: (crying) Oh, you've finally figured it out.

Blind Kid: Does that mean you'll be nicer?

Phoebe: (turning back to normal) No! (races off after grabbing Principal Simpson's toupee)

Principal Simpson: Damn you, Phoebe!

(Principal Simpson runs off after Phoebe as Blind Kid and Simple Kid resume dancing)

(Fade Out)


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