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Blind Kid... Maya Rudolph Simple Kid... Jeff Richards Principal Simpson...Alec Baldwin Terry...Tracy Morgan St. Vidus Dance Girl...Ana Gasteyer Phoebe...Rachel Dratch (Open on a school dance. A banner with the words "Hamilton Jr. High for The Disabled Senior Mixer falls to the ground and hits Blind Kid) Blind Kid: Would somebody help fix the banner? Please? (Simple Kid ambles by) Simple Kid: I'll help you, Judy. Blind Kid: Gee, thanks, Toby. (Lifts banner up) Wow, I can hardly believe it's already our senior mixer. Soon, we'll graduate, then it's Hamilton High for the Disabled, then Disabled College! I swear, the next eight years are gonna rock! Simple Kid: (glum) It's nice to know you're optomistic. I just know I didn't do so well on my exams. I just wish that bull hadn't hit me so hard on the head. Blind Kid: Aw, I'm sure you did just fine, Toby. Simple Kid: You really think so? Blind Kid: Sure. Say, you want to dance? Simple Kid: Certainly. (Blind Kid and Simple Kid dance as Principal Simpson walks up) Principal Simpson: Hey, hey hey, kids. No touching! Blind Kid & Simple Kid: Yes, Principal Simpson. (Terry, a completely frightened kid, runs up to Principal Simpson) Terry: (worried) Principal Simpson, Principal Simpson! Principal Simpson: The exit's to the right, Terry. Darn those claustrophobic children. (The St. Vidus Dance Girl, followed by several students with St. Vidus Dance, dances by) Simple Kid: Boy, those St. Vidus Dance kids sure have rhythem. (The music picks up again, as Blind Kid begins elaborately dancing with Simple Kid) Blind Kid: I'm sorry, I just can't help myself. (Simple Kid flips Blind Kid as Phoebe, on her wheelchair, races by) Phoebe: I've seen better steps on a ladder. Principal Simpson: Why don't you admit it, Phoebe. You make fun of people because you're depressed. Phoebe: (crying) Oh, you've finally figured it out. Blind Kid: Does that mean you'll be nicer? Phoebe: (turning back to normal) No! (races off after grabbing Principal Simpson's toupee) Principal Simpson: Damn you, Phoebe! (Principal Simpson runs off after Phoebe as Blind Kid and Simple Kid resume dancing) (Fade Out) Rate or review this sketch. |
