|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Two women in their mid-thirties are sitting at a kitchen table. They are sipping coffee. A young boy is sitting on the floor staring blankly out into the audience. Tina: So how are you Sue? I haven't seen you in weeks. Sue: Not too well, Tina. Tina: Why? What's wrong Sue? Sue: I don't know. Sometimes I just feel... you know... anxious. I worry sometimes. Tina: About what? Sue: You know the usual things. The boys, Jack's job, bills. I guess it's perfectly normal. Tina: That's what I used to think too. Sue: So you worry too. Tina: Well I used to worry. I even cried sometimes. (Sue leans forward with concern) Tina: Like last year, when I found out my favorite cousin had been killed in that freak tanning salon accident. Sue: I remember Tina.... She did have a lovely glow at the viewing, though. Tina: Yes, she really did. But do you know I actually cried when I heard the news. And not just that day but at the funeral as well. I felt sad, confused, angry, and...pale. Sue: Well, you were very close to Patsy. It's only natural that you would be affected by her death. Tina: Natural?... I don't think so. You see, Sue, what I was experiencing are called feelings. Feelings affect us on a very deep level. They color our perceptions of reality. That's why my doctor recommended Celebritrol by Erked Pharmaceuticals. Sue: You're taking anti-depressants? I didn't know. Tina: I prefer to think of them as science's answer to emotional contentment. I can't believe the difference it's made in my life. Remember last month when my golden retriever, Scamp, was run over by the recycling truck? Sue: Yes. I'm so sorry. Tina: Don't be! Scamp who? Sue: I see. Tina: I even got a prescription for Johnny. He use to obsess about everything. Why is the sky blue? Why do zebras have stripes? Does God have a first name? If so, what is it? On and on. Sue: Oh Tina, that must have been maddening. Tina: It was Sue. It truly was. But thanks to Celebritrol, my Johnny is far less annoying even tolerable. Now he works things out all by himself. No muss, no fuss, and no unwanted interruptions during my precious "me time". Isn't that right, honey? (Johnny continues staring blankly at the audience) Sue: Is that what he's doing now? Tina: Oh, I don't know. The point I'm trying to make is that no one need suffer from pesky emotions or inquisitive five year olds any longer. The answers to vitally all life's problems can be found in these two little pills taken twice daily for the rest of your natural born life. Sue: Sounds.. Tina: (Cutting her off) Heavenly? Oh it is Sue. It really is. Even my youngest is taking them... chewable for toddlers. Sue: And how is she doing? Tina: I don't know. I haven't seen her in days. At least I don't think I have... (Tina expression goes blank. She stares off into space) Sue: (concerned) Tina? Tina? Tina: (Startled and suddenly angry) Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my kitchen? Sue: I'm your next door neighbor. Tina: The alien or the undercover C.I.A. operative? Sue: I'm an office manager. Tina: (Jumping up from her chair) Liar!! Get out of here before I gut you like a fish!! (Sue jumps up and runs offstage) Tina: (yelling after her) And tell that bastard Richard Simmons to stop taunting me with bake goods in my sleep! (Tina goes blank again. She slowly sits down. After a moment, she regains clarity and returns to her perky self) Tina: (Looking around the room with mild confusion) Sue? Sue? Johnny, have you seen Sue? She was here a minute ago. (Johnny continues staring blankly. He is drooling slightly.) Tina: (shrugging it off) Oh well. (She smiles pleasantly and continues drinking her coffee. Announcer steps into frame holds up bottle smiling brightly). Announcer: Because reality is just not for everyone. Fade Out: Rate or review this sketch. |
