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Process Server...Eminem Robert Carnahan...Jeff Richards (a knock is heard at Robert's door. He opens it, and the Process Server enters) Robert Carnahan: Hello, sir. Process Server: Hello. Are you Robert Carnahan? Robert Carnahan: Yes. Process Server: Is this your house, 324 West End Avenue? Robert Carnahan: (nervous) Yes it is. Why are you here? Process Server: My name is Peter Wheelwright. I'm a process server for the county court. Robert Carnahan: (nervous) Well, you're a process server, I guess I'm getting sued, right. Process Server: Well, (bursts into rap mode, makes mouth sounds to imitate drum machine) "Hope you're in a good mood, cause you're getting sued, sorry dude, looks like you're screwed. It's a paternity suit, and it's a beaut, Don't flip your lid, you have a kid, It ain't no hype, you have the same blood type, No need to gripe, your case is next Thursday night, It's at 8:30 and you have to show Or else you'll have to go to pay child suppo'" (breaks out of rap mode) Lori Cameron is suing you for $2000 a month in child support. Robert (puzzled) What did you say? Process Server: I said you're getting sued by Lori Cameron- Robert Carnahan: What? I never even met her! You must have some mistake. Process Server: (reading his papers more carefully) Oh, you're right. It's for someone else. But you are getting sued for something else. (bursts into rap mode again) "Cindy from work says you're a jerk, It's you she can't stand, she's suing you for a hundred grand Because of where you put your hand while you stand. She thinks you're dirty, be at court at 6:30, PM, be there then, on Friday 10." (bursts out of rap mode) Robert Carnahan: (shocked) Well, what was that all about? Process Server: Well, your co-worker Cindy is suing you for sexual harassment. This is not a mistake, you know her. Robert Carnahan: Yes, I told my pals at the office that she has a nice butt, and I can see why she's suing me, but... Process Server: But what? Robert Carnahan: Well, (nervous) I...don't...know...why you.. Process Server: It's the rap thing, right? Robert Carnahan: Yeah, that's it. Process Server: I know. It sounds weird, but it's how I do things. It's hard to tell someone they're in trouble with the law, and I'm trying to be creative. Robert Carnahan: Do you want to be a rapper or something? Process Server: Well, I don't know. Just look at me, I'm a white guy from the suburbs, I'm not sure if I could make it as a rapper. Robert Carnahan: I understand. Well, it's clever how you make up rhymes like that. I guess you really do have the skill. Process Server: I know. But this is what I do best. Robert Carnahan: Okay. Thank you sir. Process Server: Yeah, but remember, you have to be in court this friday at 6:30 PM because- Robert Carnahan: I know, I'm being sued for sexual harassment. Have a nice day. (process server leaves) I'm getting......sued? Oh my God! (stays at door, worried.) (fade out) Rate or review this sketch. |
