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Fish1.....Jimmy Fallon Fish2.....Winona Ryder Dolphin1.....Jeff Richards Dolphin2.....Dean Edwards Aquaman.....Will Ferrell Fish3.....Horatio Sanz [Scene: Fish1 is standing in front of a blue sea environment background. Nothing fancy, just enough to establish under water location. Fish1 is approached by two dolphins.] Dolphins: Hey there fishy fishy. Fish1: [rolling eyes] Hi guys. Dolphin1: Hey fish, shouldn't u be in school? Dolphin2: Ha ha, yeah in school...u fishes love school don't u? Fish1: Look I don't want any trouble. Dolphin2: Yeah, well it looks like u found some. Fish: Ahh c'mon guys. I'm too big to eat, why don't u go find some other fish to harass. Dolphin1: Cause I like harassing u! Dolphin2: Yeah, harassing u fishy fishy. [enter fish2] Fish2: Hi Jimmy. Ready for our date? Fish1: Hi Susan. I sure am. If you fellahs will excuse us. Dolphin1: Hold up a minute. Now tell me small fry. What's a nice piece of tail like u doing, going out with this drip. Dolphin2: Yeah, why don't u come over here and I'll show you how us bottle-nose do it.[bumps her butt with his nose] Fish1: Hey, back off. Fish2: Why don't you go find someone of your own species. Dolphin1: Ohhhhh...she's got spunk. Dolphin2: Yeah, c'mon baby grab onto my dorsel fin and I'll take you for a ride. [suddenly a net comes and covers the dolphins and the female fish. They are dragged offscreen.] Fish2: [offscreen] No, no Jimmy!!!! Fish1: SUUUUUUUSSSSSSANN!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh cruel mistress of the seas. Why...why? She was the only one I ever loved. [singing] Oh cruel sea... why couldn't you take me my love is gone away and become catch of the daaaaaaay [enter Fish2] Fish1: Susan?!?! You escaped! Fish2: It was a tuna trawler! They threw me back! Fish1: Where are the dolphins? [female fish shrugs her shoulders.] Fish1: Oh well that doesn't matter, all that matters is that you're here. And I have something to tell you....I... [Enter Aquaman] Aquaman: [holding a can of Budweiser.] Did I hear a call for help? Fish2: Omigosh Jimmy look, it's Seaman. Aquaman: [pause] Aquaman. The name is Aquaman. Anyways, I'm here to help. I heard the cries of my fellow aquatic creatures. What's going on? Fish1: Well, two dolphins just got caught by a tuna trawler..you better hurry. Aquaman: Don't fret. I Aquaman, King of the sea, will save them! Fish2: Actually Jimmy, I didn't tell you cause I didn't want to upset you...but the fishermen shot the dolphins...then they stabbed them with these big metal spears...there was blood everywhere and then they started gutting them while singing that St. Elmos fire song. Fish1: Ouch. Cool tune though. Sorry dude, looks like u're too late. Aquaman: Dammit. I stopped along the way to water the seahorses. [Holding out can of Budweiser] This stuff will go right through you. You won't tell Spiderman will you? Fish2: No...no we won't. Aquaman: I'm hoping he'll put me in his next movie. Fish1: Don't you think it makes more sense for you to ask Batman to put you in HIS movie. Aquaman: Ha ha, yeah right. Why don't I just call up Pauly Shore and ask him if I can be in Bio-dome II. Fish1: Yeah...great...look we we're having a moment here. Aquaman: Oh I'm sorry...go ahead. Fish1: Don't you have somewhere to be? Aquaman: I was wondering...maybe I could hang out with you? [holding beer in both hands] I' m so desperately lonely. Fish1: No I'm sorry, this is kind of personal. Maybe another time. Aquaman: Oh. Oh well, I was just kidding, I have to get out of here. I'm King of the seas you know. King of the big lonely seas... [exit Aquaman.] Fish1: So anyways, Susan. [takes deep breath] I wanted to tell you that I love u. Fish2: Oh Jimmy...I...I love you too. Fish1: I also want you so bad. Fish2: Me too. [They gaze at each other for a brief moment and then Fish2 begins to squeeze eggs out of her tail area. She moves away. Jimmy moves over to the spot where she deposited eggs and squeezes out goop from his tail.] Fish1: Oh baby. Was it good for you? Fish2: It was amazing. You're the best. Fish1: No, it was all you. Hey, u're on the pill right? Fish2: What? I thought u were using protection! Fish1: Oh no... Fish2: Don't worry it was my first time, u can't... [Suddenly Fish3 appears from bottom of screen.] Fish3: Dadda, Momma. Dadda, Momma. Fish1: Oh no! What do we do now! Fish2: Don't panic. Look, we just have to stick together. We can make this work. We're gonna have to sacrifice our hopes and dreams for the sake of this little bundle of love we created. Where there was me and you we can create us![looks longingly into Fish1's eyes.] Fish1: Yeah...[turning towards Fish3] or we could eat it before it gets too big! Quick! [Fish1 jumps on Fish3 and starts biting it.] Fish3: No Dadda! WHY? WHY? Fish2: Oh you guys... [fade to bumper of Rockerfeller Fountains.] Rate or review this sketch. |
