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Colonel Kennith...Will Ferrell Gangster #1...Dean Edwards Gangster #2...Tracy Morgan Announcer...Darrell Hammond (sketch opens up and shows a man in a white robe behind a counter in a restaurant. People are walking around and some are ordering food. The Man walks toward the camera and speaks with a southern accent) Colonel Kennith: Hey there, I'm Colonel Kennith, and I'm here live to tell you about my new chain of restaurants all over the U.S. It's a combination of southern heritage, patriotism, and good old fashioned country cookin'! It's called "KKK: Ken's Kountry Kitchen"!! The name clearly speaks for itself, and I'll tell ya', it's a mighty good one! We're gonna be bigger than KFC!! You may be asking yourself...(he pauses)...'How can I be a part of this country goodness? Well, it's simple. Just look for the resturant with our logo! (the camera focuses in on the logo which says "KKK" with a flag in the background) Partiotic, isn't it? (suddenly you hear glass shatter and people start to panic) No, It's okay, folks!!!! Someone just threw another brick at the restaurant again, that's all! (he picks up the brick) Ooh. This here is a special brick. It has a note tied to it. (He opens it and reads it aloud) It says "Your honkey ass is dead".....hmmmm... Silly kids! They must not like country music too much, they mentioned the word "honkey", so I assume they don't like honkey tonkin'. Oh well! (he throws the brick aside) Anyway, like I was sayin'...true southern patriotism is the way to get customers, these days. And since we're new, everyone gets a free hat! (he picks up a cone shaped hood and puts it on) Cool, huh!!! It has our logo in the middle, plus we've embroidered a little flap on it! (he puts the flap down, you can't see his face) This would be great for the kids to wear on Halloween! (He takes the hat off) Well, my new restaurant chain has been up for about a month or two...and despite all of the recent gang-related attacks at nearly every single one...I believe we're going to have a very successful year! (his smile fades) ...Yea...we're not doin' too good. Business is goin' nowhere. Black folks keep throwin' rocks at the windows. You'd think they would like our fried chicken...I guess not. The Lord knows I try. I'm just tryin' to be a good business man. (he perks up) Oh look, two more customers just walked in! (two gang members come in to the restaurant) Hey fellas! Welcome to KKK, the heart of Dixie! Would you like our fried chicken special? (both exchange angry expressions and start beating the Colonel) Gangster #1: RACIST!!!! Colonel Kennith: What the...! OW!! That hurts!!! Gangster #2: We don't need white trash like you around!! (they keep beating him) Colonel Kennith: STOP! PLEASE STOP!! Gangster #1: Get up, Racist!!! Colonel Kennith: White man down!! Someone help me, please! Gangster #2: Why don't you call your precious clan members!! Colonel Kennith: What clan?? (They stop beating him and start throwing rocks from the floor at him) OW!! Can't we just be civilized?!! Why are you doing this to me?! I ONLY WANTED TO MAKE CHICKEN!!!! (camera focusses in on the Colonel as he tries to stand up. Covered in his own blood, he realizes that everything has just been witnessed by the camera and he tries to smile. Two or three of his teeth are missing) ...Hey, ya'll. Come on down to Ken's Kountry Kitchen and ask for our buffalo wings. With every large meal ordered you get a free medium drink, so come on down and experience southern hospitality for yourself and thanks for- Gangster #2: Shut your honkey ass up!! (They start beating him again) Colonel Kennith: This ain't right ya'll! (he struggles to get up) Gangster #1: Shut up!!! (he is forced back down) Colonel Kennith: THIS AIN'T KOSHER AT ALL!!!! Gangster #2: Get your white ass down!!! Announcer- Ken's Kountry Kitchen...Where hospitality and good ole' country cookin' is just what you're lookin' for!! Colonel Kennith: OH GOD! THE PAIN!!!!! (fades to black) Rate or review this sketch. |
