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...Natalie Portman "Anikin Skywalker"...Jimmy Fallon "Obi-Wan Kenobi"...Seth Meyers "Mace Windu"...Tracy Morgan "Yoda"/Yoda Baby...Voice of Darrell Hammond Natalie Portman: Thank you very much, it is an unbeliveable thrill to be on this show. First of all, I got to say it, it’s been a blast working in the "Star Wars" movies... (APPLAUSE) And yet, it bothers me just a little. You see... (CUE STAR WARS MUSIC. OBI-WAN ENTERS) Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ms. Portman! Natalie Portman: Master Kenobi? What are you doing here? Obi-Wan Kenobi: I’ve come here to warn you about an impending doom upon your head. Natalie Portman: Impending doom? What do you mean? Obi-Wan Kenobi: You must have a keen eye out for Anakin, I sense a great evil inside him. Natalie Portman: Well, what kind of evil are you talking about? (ANAKIN SKYWALKER ENTERS IN A JIVE WALK) Anakin Skywalker: Hey baby, what’s happening? (TRIES TO GET CLOSE TO NATALIE, NATALIE HAS A LOOK OF DISGUST ON HER FACE) Obi-Wan Kenobi: You see, the life of a Jedi involves a strong mind, great senses, and 100% sexual repression. Natalie Portman: So in other words... Obi-Wan Kenobi: He’s Horny! Anakin Skywalker: Oh, don’t let "the man" bring down this love fest. I just want to get next to you. (TRIES TO PUT MOVES ON NATALIE.) Natalie Portman: Ugh, look Ani... Anakin Skywalker: Listen baby, if you do as I say, I’ll let you "feel the force" if you know what I mean. Natalie Portman: STOP IT! Look (MAKES AIR QUOTES) "Anikin", what we had while shooting the movie was purely platonic. There will never be anything between us... (MACE WINDU ENTERS AND INTERJECTS) Mace Windu: You’re damn right she doesn’t want you! Everybody knows that once you’re with Mace, I leave you stunned. Get it?!? Obi-Wan Kenobi: Master Windu, don’t tell me that you have broken the Jedi oath of celebacy? Mace Windu: You’re damn right I did! As a matter of fact, I let this fine creature touch my Light-Saber... Natalie Portman: THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN!!! Anakin Skywalker: Come on, Baby! Don’t you remember that night at Jar Jar Binks’ place? You were so wasted that you passed out on his electro-water bed, and then...Well, you know... Natalie Portman: Uh, no I don’t. Anakin Skywalker: Well, George Lucas said that for Episode III, where you give birth to (AIR QUOTES)"My son", he wanted to make it as realistic as possible. Natalie Portman: You mean to tell me that I’m Pregnant! Who’s the Father? Anakin Skywalker: Well, despite my wanting to get it on with you, I had to be your designated driver. Therefore, I didn’t get drunk enough to fool around. Mace Windu: If you’re saying that I’m the Father, You’re damn wrong! Even I have better class than that. Obi-Wan Kenobi: And it certanly wasn’t I, because unlike my disobedient colleauges, I remain faithful to the code of the Jedi. Natalie Portman: Well, if it isn’t any of you, who was it. (PUPPET YODA ENTERS) Yoda: I am Father, father I am. Natalie Portman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! (RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO NORMAL LOOKING MONOLOUGE) (DIRECTOR GET’S NATALIE’S ATTENTION) Director: Natalie? Natalie!?! Natalie Portman: Wha? Sorry, I must have gotten too nervous and "spaced out" there for a second, No pun intended. All right, we have a great show for you tonight, "Tenacious D" Is here, and We’ll be right back after I feed Yoda’s baby??? (LOOKING CONFUSED, NOTICES A CRADLE NEXT TO HER.) Yoda Baby: Mother, you are. Feed me, you will. Natalie Portman: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Rate or review this sketch. |
