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Obsessed Fan.....Seth Meyers .....Natalie Portman .....Tracy Morgan [ Natalie Portman walks down the studio hall, where she's greeted by a nerdy-looking fan with his eyes open wider than normal ] Obsessed Fan: Oh, my God! It's YOU!! You were so wonderful in that movie! Natalie Portman: I hear that all the time, but.. thanks! [ smiles ] Obsessed Fan: Oh, my God, you are going to be remembered forever because of that movie! I mean, you gave birth to the most famous baby of all time! Natalie Portman: [ laughs ] Well, that might be stretching it a little bit, we're still wrapping up the romance angle. It's really about the main characters. Obsessed Fan: Maybe you're right - your character was much more fundamental. The way you struggled for survival, under all that pressure - brilliant! Natalie Portman: Well, I'm glad you've enjoyed my work in the "Star Wars" movies. Obsessed Fan: [ does a double-take ] Your work in the what?! Natalie Portman: "Star Wars". You are talking about "Episode II", aren't you? Obsessed Fan: No! I'm not into all that sci-fi nonsense! I'm talking about your performance in the greatest movie ever written by man - "Where The Heart Is"! Natalie Portman: [ frowns politely ] Oh. You actually liked that movie? Obsessed Fan: [ distraught ] Oh, my God.. what are you saying?! You're Novalee Nation! You had the Wal-Mart Baby! You worked with Ashley Judd! Natalie Portman: Yeah, but in "Episode II", I shared scenes with Ewen MacGregor. Obsessed Fan: How can you even begin to compare Euuggh-wen MacGregor to the engaging Ashley Judd? Natalie Portman: Well.. Ewen MacGregor is Britsh. Obsessed Fan: [ gasps ] So is Benny Hill! Natalie Portman: [ eyes bulge ] Eeuugghh.. Obsessed Fan: He got better-looking girls. [ Tracy Morgan enters the hall ] Tracy Morgan: [ holds up 8" x 10" glossy ] Excuse me, Natalie - can I have your autograph? Natalie Portman: Oh, sure. [ grabs glossy and pen ] Tracy Morgan: So, tell me - are you ever gonna reunite with those 10,000 Maniacs? They crazy! Natalie Portman: Say what..? [ notices that glossy is not a picture of her ] Wait a minute - I'm not Natalie Merchant! I'm Natalie Portman! Tracy Morgan: [ thinking ] No, I never heard of her. Doesn't matter, you look a little like her, can you just sign it "Natalie Merchant"? Natalie Portman: I'm Natalie Portman! I was in Star Wars: Episode II"! How can you not recognize me?! Obsessed Fan: If you didn't see her in "Mars Attacks!", you don't know what you're missing. Natalie Portman: That was not my greatest achievement. Obsessed Fan: You got to work with Jack Nicholson. He can kick Ewen MacGregor's ass any day. Tracy Morgan: Is he still using those golf clubs for weapons? Obsessed Fan: I would say yes, because I haven't dared to creep around his yard in over four months. Natalie Portman: Look, I don't have time for this, I'm hosting "Saturday Night Live"! Director's Voice: Natalie? You're on in five! Obsessed Fan: [ panicking ] Five?! Oh, my God! Don't go out there, Natalie! Something bad's going to happen, I just know it! [ Natalie ignores the warning, and continues down the hall ] Rate or review this sketch. |
