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Announcer.....Darrell Hammond Erin Brockobitch.....Julia Roberts Stacie.....Rachel Dratch Tom.....Jeff Richards Devon.....Tracy Morgan We open to a very neat office with a desk and a chair and a very nice leather couch. Exactly like a psychiatrist office would look like. Erin (a big breasted lady) is sitting behind a desk. Announcer: Welcome to the Erin Brokobitch show. A reality show with a real psychiatrist with real patients. She'll live up to her name and heal you...well sort of. Let's just say she can live up to her name and be a real bitch. Erin Brockobitch: (pushes a button on the phone) Mrs. Jones my next patient. ( Stacie walks in) Erin Brockobitch: (cont'd) Please have a seat. (Stacie lays down on the couch.) Stacie: Well lately I have been having a problem Erin. Guys don't look at me the way they used to, back in Canada I was the shit. I had everything. Guys wanted me, but here (takes her shirt off to reveal a bra) I have been having some downs. I don't think I have big boobs and want breast implants. What do you think. Erin Brockobitch: First of all you little boy, put your shirt back on you'll get me fired second of all I see why boys don't notice you, you're so ugly they think you are a boy!!! And third in Canada all the guys are gay down there, and that's why they groped you and that is why the population down there is pretty bad!!!!!! Cause no children get born cuz y'all are fudge packers. (Stacie runs out crying. Erin turns phone on) Erin Brockobitch: Mrs. Jones send in the next saddle. (Tom walks in.) Tom: (blurts out) I wear women's underwear. (rips off all his clothes) I like to touch myself. I am not gay. I just love to wear them and masturbate to Pamela Lee when wearing them. Erin Brockobitch: What is it with my patients and their ripping off clothing. Oh and Hon, this isn't the place for you. I believe the place is The Jerry Springer Show. Get out! (Tom walks out. We hear a scream from outside of the room. Obviously Mrs. Jones screaming from the man in pink underwear. Again Erin goes to the phone.) Erin Brockobitch: Next one please. (Devon walks in. Sits down on the leather couch and looks up at Erin, seeing that she is eyeing him up and down, licking her lips he says) Devon: Listen miss, this is just prof- ( Erin cuts him off by jumping on his lap taking off her shirt to reveal a black bra) Erin Brockobitch: This is how I deal with my patients, well attractive patients that is. (laughs) Devon: (nervous laughter) Well, I have issues. Erin Brockobitch: (kissing him) This (kiss) pretty (kiss) women (kiss) has issues (kiss) to. Devon: (pushes her off) That's just it. I am a pretty women. I am a transsexual. (runs out of the room) Announcer: She'll rip your heart out. (FADE OUT) Rate or review this sketch. |
