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A young couple in love sits in a sleazy Las Vegas lounge. Dude: I love you, Carol. Carol: I love you more. Dude: I love YOU more. Carol: No, I love You more. Dude: No way, I love you MORE.... hey, look Carol, roulette. Let's play our last 50 bucks. I feel lucky. Dude gets up to play wheel of fortune. Dude: What's our lucky number, baby? I'm gonna win us money, big time. Carol: Let's see. Today is the eighth and we were married this morning at the Chapel of love number eight. So eight is our lucky number, sweet meat. Dude: (to the Roulette guy) 50 bucks on number 8. The Roulette spins and spins and finally lands on number 11. Dude: Damn! Dude goes to the table and grabs Carol by the arm. Dude: Let's go hit those dumpsters now, darling. I'm famished. A strange man (Mr. Mann) approaches their table. He is good-looking and wealthy. Mr. Mann: I saw you lose your last penny, buster. That's too bad. But I have a proposition to make. Extreme close up on Mr. Mann. Extreme close up on bashful Carol. Mr. Mann: Suppose I was to offer you a million dollars for a night with your wife. Carol looks at the strange man and licks her lips. Dude: A million big ones? Yea right. Get outta here. (sees the serious look on Mr. Mann's face ) For Carol? Get real.... (whispers into Mr. Mann's ear. ) Take it from me, she's not THAT good. Dude goes through Mr. Mann's pockets and pulls out some bills. Dude: I'll tell you what. Instead of sitting around waiting for a million dollar check to be cleared- as if you won't put a STOP PAYMENT on it...I'll just take this wad -- let's see, what do we have here, (counts it) about 86 dollars and some change.... Dude spies Mr. Mann's watch. Dude: I'll take the watch, too. Yesiree, that'll do me. That'll do me just fine. Mr. Mann takes Carol by the hand and whisks her away. Dude screams after them- Dude: And you can keep her too. TWO DAYS LATER Dude and Jan sit in a sleazy Las Vegas lounge. Dude: I love you, Jan. Jan: I love you more. Dude: I love YOU more. Jan: No, I love You more. Dude: No way, I love you MORE.... hey, look Jan, roulette. Let's play our last 10 bucks. I feel lucky. Dude gets up to play wheel of fortune. Dude: What's our lucky number, baby? I'm gonna win us money, big time. Jan: Today is the tenth... and we were married this morning at ten. So, I'd say go for ten, sugarpie. Dude spots a man from across the room that looks like a Mr. Moneybags. He pulls a black dress from the bag under the table. Dude: Hey Jan, try this one on for size, will ya? Jan lays the dress across her chest. Dude: (to the Roulette guy) 10 bucks on number 10. The Roulette spins and spins and finally lands on number 21. Dude keeps an eye out for Mr. Moneybags. Dude: Damn! (very loudly, throwing his voice towards Mr. Moneybags) Dude goes to the table and grabs Jan by the arm. Dude rubbernecks and screams looking around for Mr. Moneybags. Dude: (loudly) Let's go hit those dumpsters now, darling. I'm famished. Mr. Moneybags approaches their table. He is good looking and wealthy. Mr. Moneybags: So you lost your last penny. Tsk, tsk. But I have a proposition to make. Extreme close-up of Mr. Moneybags, extreme close-up of Jan, and extreme close-up of Dude licking his lips. Mr. Moneybags: I'll give you 500 bucks for that. (Points to Jan) Dude: What? A measly 500? The last guy offered me a cool million, Pal. Mr. Moneybags: That's a little steep for a dress, isn't it? Dude: The dress? The dress is hip. But Jan is out of this world. Stand up, Jan. Nice firm hips. Good teeth. Killer hooters. What do you say, pal? 500 for the chick AND the dress. Mr. Moneybags: Two hundred. Dude: That'll do me... and no returns. AND YET ANOTHER TWO DAYS LATER Dude and Babs sit in a sleazy Las Vegas lounge. Dude: I love you, Babs. Babs: I love you more. Dude: I love YOU more. Jan: No, I love You more. Dude: No way, I love you MORE.... hey, look Babs, roulette. Let's play our last dollar. I feel lucky. Dude gets up to play wheel of fortune. He asks Babs: Dude: What's our lucky number, baby? I'm gonna win us money, big time. Babs: Today is the twelfth... and we did it for twelve minutes this morning. Go for twelve, lover. Dude spots a man from across the room that looks like a wealthy Arab sheik. He moves to the table and tilts Jan's head, tousles her hair, pinches her cheeks, and lifts her cleavage. Dude: (loudly) Oh man, I 'm betting my last dollar!!! The Arab looks at Dude and at Babs, pensively. Perhaps hopefully. Dude: (to the Roulette guy) One LAST dollar on number 12. The Roulette spins and spins and finally lands on number 12. Roulette guy: Number 12! We have a winner. Dude grabs his winnings and furiously shoves them in his pockets, while the Arab sheik slinks away from him and Babs. Dude goes to the table and slaps an overexcited Babs across the face. Dude: Take a hike, Babs. You're bad luck. The end Rate or review this sketch. |
