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Himself/Steve Butabi...Will Ferrell Himself/Doug Butabi...Chris Kattan Himself/Bouncer...Tracy Morgan Woman...Rachel Dratch ...Lorne Michaels (WILL AND CHRIS ARE SEEN IN THEIR "ROXBURY GUYS" ATTIRE) Will Ferrell: Good evening, I'm Will "unofficially retired cast member" Ferrell. (APPLAUSE) Chris Kattan: And I'm Chris "leaning towards leaving the show myself" Kattan. (APPLAUSE) Will Ferrell: We've come here tonight to talk to you the fans about something that you've been bugging us about for the past few years, and tonight we would like to nail the issue down for good. Chris Kattan: See, back in the day we did a few sketches where we dressed up like this. As a matter of fact the sketches were so successful, that a movie was made about it. Which we thought was going to turn out great. Will Ferrell: Unfortunately, despite a loyal fan base of about 720 people, the movie didn't do too well. Prompting this man... (CUT TO SHOT OF LORNE MICHAELS WAVING MORONICALLY. SUPER: RECURRING CHARACTER ASSASSIN)...to pretty much shut down operations for this particular sketch. Chris Kattan: This resulted in most of our fans crying foul, and yelling things along the lines of "We need closure" or "What will become of the them?" or maybe even a "NOOOOOOO!!!!" or two. Will Ferrell: The biggest blow to the fans is that on my last real show, despite having done most of my characters for the last time, we never got to do a finale for us. Chris Kattan: That's why tonight, if you would indulge us for a moment, we would like to give our characters the last hurrah that they deserve. So now witout further adieu ladies and gentlemen, the proverbial nail in the coffin...For the "Roxbury Guys". (BOTH MEN TURN AROUND.) (MUSIC: "WHAT IS LOVE?" BY HADDAWAY.) (THE TWO START TO DO THE IMFAMOUS "HEAD BOBBING". TURNS AROUND AND FACES CROWD.) Doug Butabi: (JUMPS TO THE FRONT OF THE CROWD) Heeeey! Wanna dance? No? Okay, don't worry about it! (RETURNS) Steve Butabi: (JUMPS IN CROWD) Hey! You, me? You, me? (WOMAN ACCEPTS, THE TWO "VIOLATE" HER. BOUNCER GRABS THE TWO, LEADS THEM TO THE TOP OF 30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA.) Bouncer: OK, We've had enough of you dudes! If you don't behave next time, you're going off this building! Understand?!? (BOTH MEN ARE COLLABORATING) Both: Yeah, sure. Bouncer: Good! Steve Butabi: (RELUCTANTLY) Uh, Wanna Dance? You, me? You, me? Bouncer: "A'ight", messin' with ladies is one thing, OK. But when you're messin' with a dude from Brooklyn, that crosses the line! Off you go! (BEFORE THE TWO CAN BE PUSHED OFF, LORNE MICHAELS INTERJECTS) Lorne Michaels: Tracy! what the hell are you doing? (TRACY BREAKS OUT OF CHARACTER) Tracy Morgan: Oh, hey boss man! We're doing a scene right now, can we talk later? Lorne Michaels: Let go of them! C'mon! (FREES WILL AND CHRIS FROM TRACY) Boys, I'll meet you downstairs, Tell Ms. Roberts that she's on in 2 minutes. (TRACY TRIES TO SNEAK AWAY) Not so fast! You're not going back down until you tell me what you were going to do to them. Tracy Morgan: I was following the script, man! I'm doing what I'm paid to do. Lorne Michaels: Tracy, you know the writers and I preview each script before it gets aired. There was nothing written about the Butabi's getting thrown off a skyscraper. Now you did this for a reason, tell me why. Tracy Morgan: Damn, man! When you talk down to me like that...OK, I'll tell you. I added that part because if Will and Chris were out of the picture, there would be less cast members and I would be in more sketches. That's the only reason why, I swear! Lorne Michaels: (AGGRAVATED) Tracy??? Tracy Morgan: And, because I wanted one of their dressing rooms. Lorne Michaels: Tracy, you know better than to interfere with the cast. Why do you think we don't let you in until Saturday? Tracy Morgan: Yeah, I get your point. Lorne Michaels: And besides, if you went along and did it, it would have been a lost cause anyway. Will is leaving the show, Chris looks like he might not even bother to renegotiate his contract, it would have been all for nothing. Tracy Morgan: But still, I've been here for 7 years now! And I'm still getting piece of S(BLEEPED) parts, what gives man! Lorne Michaels: OK, calm down. (PUTS HIS ARM AROUND TRACY) Listen if all you wanted was a good part, why didn't you say so? Tracy Morgan: Because you don't let me say anything. Lorne Michaels: (IN HIS "DR.EVIL" TONE) Riiiiiiiiggght... Look Tracy, I promise you, you will have more to do in the next season. And to prove my promise, I'm going to let you say "it". Tracy Morgan: Shut up! For Real? Lorne Michaels: For real Tracy. (TRACY SLAPS FIVES & FISTS W/LORNE) Tracy Morgan: Thanks man, you're "a'ight"...Oh, wait a minute. I can't just force it out. Are they still doing that sketch downstairs? (DRAMATIC UNDERSCORE) Lorne Michaels: Oh, no! We got to stop Will and Chris, and we've got only...(CHECKS HIS WATCH) 30 Seconds! C'mon! (TRACY AND LORNE RUSH OUT OF THE ROOF AREA. CUT BACK TO THE "ROXBURY SCENE" WHERE WILL AND CHRIS CONTINUE TO "VIOLATE" WOMEN. LORNE RUSHES IN AND ORDERS A STOP TO THE SKETCH.) Lorne Michaels: Stop, stop, STOP! (MUSIC STOPS. CROWD WONDERS WHATS GOING ON.) Will Ferrell: (OUT OF CHARACTER) Lorne, what's going on? Lorne Michaels: Tracy is going to plead his case, and you both better listen well. Go ahead, son. (TRACY ENTERS) Tracy Morgan: (CLEAR HIS THROAT) "Live from Ne...(WILL'S HAND QUICKLY COVERS TRACY'S MOUTH.) Will Ferrell: Lorne, No! How could you do this to us? Chris Kattan: Yeah, I thought it was in his contract that he could never say the exact line. Will Ferrell: Exact line? Chris Kattan: Remember the Jennifer Lopez show where he dressed as your "Dubya"? Will Ferrell: Oh, right. Lorne Michaels: Look, we went over this. You're leaving the show, you've had your fair share. And I'm going to do something that I haven't done since the 70s and give somebody a chance! Now go on, Tracy. (WILL LETS GO) Tracy Morgan: "Live from New Yo...(CHRIS'S HAND IS NOW COVERING TRACY'S MOUTH.) Chris Kattan: But he tried to kill us! Lorne Michaels: Believe me, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. Will is leaving, and you...Well, I just don't like you. (CHRIS HANGS HIS HEAD IN SHAME) Now can we get on with this, I don't want to keep Julia waiting. Go on, Tracy. Tracy Morgan: "Live from New York... (TRACY NOTICES HIS TWO CASTMEMBERS LOOKING SAD IN THE BACKGROUND.) Tracy Morgan: Damnit, I can't do this... Lorne Michaels: Tracy, we have a show to do and we have to... Tracy Morgan: Let me finish, I can't do this without my friends. (WILL AND CHRIS LOOK UP IN SURPRISE.) Let's all do this, 'kay? (WILL AND CHRIS COME DOWN TOWARDS TRACY.) Tracy Morgan: Ready, on three. (ALL THREE START TO COUNT, AROUND "TWO", TRACY INTERJECTS.) "Live from New York, It's Saturday Night !!!" (WILL AND CHRIS HAVE A LOOK OF SHOCK ON THEIR FACE WHILE TRACY HAS A DEVILISH GRIN ON HIS. CUT TO OPENING MONTAGE.) Rate or review this sketch. |
