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Upset Father...Drew Carey Announcer...Chris Parnell (Beethoven's "Piano Sonata No.14" plays in the background, a mourning father is crying on the floor with the TV on the fuzz) Upset Father: NO!!! How can it be!!!!?? (He is crying out of control, drinking a 40 oz) It CAN'T BE!!! No!! NOT TO ME!!!!! I can't believe...that...I've wasted my life away!!! I can't believe that he's gone!!! My Son is gone!!! It just can't be true!!! No!! It can't be true!!!! My son can't be gone!!! How could his mother take hime away from me like that!!??? The Whore!! No!!!! Bring him back!! Bring him back, bring him back now!!! He can't be gone and living in California!! NOOO!!! Not my baby boy!!!! All the things I could have shown you!! The kites that we would have flown TOGETHER!! Mommy told you I have a drinking ploblem...well she's freaking full of sh(bleep)t!!!! She said it's not a healthy environment to raise a son!!! She said daddy was suicidal!! Don't listen to her!! NO!!! She said that your new daddy would treat you better!! DON'T Believe her twisted lies!! SHE'S THE DEVIL!! SHE'S THE DEVIL!!!!! I banish you to HELL!!!!! Gimmie back my boy!! Give him back NOW!! The pain!! The Heart Ache!!! Daddy Loves you!!! It is so sad it has to end this way!! Blame it on your mother!!!! She ripped us appart!! ...Don't worry, my precious son, all the misery will now come to an end! I love you, my precious Baby Boy!! (He crawls over to the coffee table, opens up the little drawer and pulls out a small hand gun. He crawls back over to the couch and points the gun at his head) Upset Father: This is for you, Billy!!!!!!!! (He pulls the trigger, screen automatically goes white with a picture of a giant mayonaise bottle) Announcer: Kragma Mayonaise!! Pick up some today!!! (fades to black) Rate or review this sketch. |
