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Seth Meyers.....Craig Kilborn Amy Poehler.....Juila Roberts Drew Carey.....Steve Barker Darrell Hammond.....Propmaster Todd Chris Kattan.....Mike Grayson .....Jimmy Fallon Chris Parnell.....Opus Moreshchi The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn: 5 Questions Fade in from commerical. Theme music plays, title scrolls across screen as we zoom in to Craig Kilborn and guest Julia Roberts. Audience cheers. Craig Kilborn: Alright, we're back with America's Sweethart. Do you like having that title? Julia Roberts: (laughs) Do I have a choice? Craig Kilborn: Here you are on the cover of People Magazine. (holds magazine up) 'America's Sweethart No More. Hollywood Whore Steals Married Man'. Ouch. So this is probably the biggest wedding since Paul and One Leg Susie, but nobody knew about it... it just happened. Julia Roberts: Yes it did. And I'm in love. I would also like to annouce that I'm pregnant with twins and I just adopted a boy from Africa. Craig Kilborn: Really? Julia Roberts: Yes. It's actually Billy Bob Thorton and Angelina Jolie's son they adopted. But I... well took him to Disneyland and had so much fun I just had to have him. So he's mine now, Angie swears she'll kick my ass so I'm always looking behind my back to see if she's ready to jump me. Craig Kilborn: Lets hope your marriage lasts, its time for Five Questions! 5 Questions Intro Plays. Audience cheers. Fade to Craig. 5 Questions Music plays throughout. Craig Kilborn: Alright geography, your former lovers Kiefer Sutherland and Matthew Perry lived in Canada for awhile and you've filmed some films there, name the capital of Canada. Julia Roberts: Hmmm.... Toronto? *incorrect buzz* Craig Kilborn: Ooo. No it's Ottawa. Ottawa. Moving on time for some guessing. We have three crewmembers from the show here. Cut to the side of the set with three men standing. Craig Kilborn: We got Propmaster Todd... Propmaster Todd: Hi. Craig Kilborn: Hey, Todd. Remember speak when spoken to. I only introduced you. Next is Steve Baker and Mike Grayson. One of these men have a dirty disgusting secret. We need you to guess the right one. Okay? Julia Roberts: Sure. Craig Kilborn: Which one of these men has seen everyone of your films atleast thirty-four times? Here's the wildcard. He masturbates at the end of each film. Julia Roberts: Gotta go with the propman. Craig Kilborn: Why is that? Julia Roberts: What else is he going to do when he's not working. Craig Kilborn: Will the real die hard Julia Roberts fan/masturbator step forward. Todd begins to step forward but then steps back, then Steve steps forward but then stops. Steve: It ain't me, Craig. He takes a step back. All three men just stand there. *incorrect buzz* Craig Kilborn: Trick question no one is that pathetic to watch all of your movies, let alone whack off to them. Alright rapid fire, (10 seconds appear in the corner of the screen) 10 seconds on the clock name five brands of women's razors. Go! Julia Roberts: Um, Gillette, I don't know! *incorrect buzz* Jimmy Fallon walks out to cheers from the audience. Craig stands up. Craig Kilborn: Jimmy Fallon what are you doing out here? You come out after Julia. Jimmy Fallon: Well I thought I would help Julia. We're playing Yambo later and I'm going to kick her ass at that so I thought I would help her know since she has ZERO right! Plus Will Ferrell did the same exact thing and I thought I could do it. Craig Kilborn: Ferrell also gave me $50,000 for doing 500 shows are you going to give me $50,000? Jimmy Fallon: Um, no. Opus rides his bike on to the set. He gets a bigger reaction than Jimmy Fallon. Opus: Sorry Craig. He got past me. Julia Roberts: Hello! Everybody should be paying attention to me! I won an Oscar! (pushes her breasts up) Craig Kilborn: That's alright. Jimmy is a good friend. He did the Ewok Song. Shouldn't you be answering the phones? Opus: (scarcastically) Oh yeah. Someone might actually phone here. Opus rides his bike off the set. Jimmy Fallon and Kilborn sit back down. Jimmy Fallon: How come there's a blanket on this chair? Craig Kilborn: Kyle Glass left a unpleasant thing on there. Money is tight so we can't replace it. Julia Roberts: Look! My nipples are hard! Anyone! What do I have to do?! Craig Kilborn: Okay this is becoming the longest 5 Questions. Number four, True or False King of Queen's Kevin James desttoyed the set ala a drunk Incredible Hulk with a small penis when he got five out of five on 5 Questions? Julia turns to Jimmy who is mouthing 'yes'. Julia Roberts: True. *correct ding* Craig Kilborn: Finally, you just hosted Saturday Night Live - look into the camera and yell "Live from New York it's Saturday Night!" Julia Roberts: Live From New York it's Saturday Night! *correct ding* Yes I did it! This is in my top three best moments of my life! Winning an Oscar for what was that movie? It doesn't matter... and annoucing that Denzel won for Best Actor! Jimmy Fallon: What about Pretty Women or getting engaged for the third time? Julia Roberts: Oh this marriage will be over by October. Say you're kinda cute. Craig Kilborn: Julia Roberts, everybody. Don't ever come here again. Julia Roberts: Marry me Jimmy Fallon! Julia jumps on top of Jimmy as we zoom out. Annoucer: Still to come from the Late Late Show, Saturday Night Live's Jimmy Fallon and Yambo! Stick around we'll be right back. Rate or review this sketch. |
