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The Stripper.....Maya Rudolph .....Jimmy Kimmel Amy, The Waitress.....Tina Fey Thomas.....Tracy Morgan (Fade-in to a local stripper joint) (A stripper stands on stage, erotically dancing around the stage. The Stripper moves over and begins to show Jimmy Kimmel her goods) The Stripper: Hey Big Boy! Jimmy Kimmel: Hey! Amy the Waitress: Anything more Mister? Jimmy Kimmel: Jim is fine. Amy the Waitress: Okay, anything more Mr. Jim? Jimmy Kimmel: No, no thanks. (Thomas walks up and notices that Jimmy is someone famous) Thomas: Oh my god! I know you! You’re that guy from that show. (Thinks) Um...(starts to sing) it’s The Man Show, quit your job and light a fart, itch your favorite private part, it’s The Man Show! (Stops singing) God, I love that show. Hey, tell me something, do you and that other guy ever slam any of those juggy chicks? (Thomas and Jimmy start laughing, Jimmy laughs more nervously) Thomas: I knew it! So, Adam, can I call you Adam? My name's Thomas. My dawgs just call me Mack! Jimmy Kimmel: (Really nervously) Actually, Thomas, my name is Jimmy, but that doesn’t matter. Adam's fine! Thomas: Adam, I been watching your career like a hawk. Like on “Win Ben Stein’s Money” and on the “FOX Pre-game Show” and on "The Man Show”. Jimmy Kimmel: (Nervously) Well, thank you very much. Thomas: I know stuff, man! I know all about you. Like I know that "The Man Show" is moving to ABC in 2003. Man, you’re not 6 foot, like you tell everyone. You’re only 5-11. Your idol is Dave Letterman. You got your cousin Sal famous. Now he’s on with Ben Stein. Jimmy Kimmel: Yeah, well you can find any of that stuff on the internet. Thomas: I even know stuff about you that even you don’t know. Jimmy Kimmel: (Shocked) Like what? Thomas: Umm...Okay, I will tell you your big secret. (Whispers something into Jimmy’s ear) Jimmy Kimmel: (No surprised at all) What? Come on. Everyone knows that I voiced to the dog that gets stoned in “ROAD TRIP”. (Quoting his lines from the movie) Hey, Old Man, I got the fuckin' munchies real bad. How ‘bout you? (Pause) Hey Jack, have that bitch make me some blueberry pancakes. Right Now! Thomas: Well, okay. I guess I am not the celebrity stalker I thought I was. Jimmy Kimmel: I guess not. Thomas, can I ask you a question? Thomas: Sure, kid. Jimmy Kimmel: Okay, can we just keep that "Stoner Dog" thing between us? Thomas: Sure. Jimmy Kimmel: Here are a couple tickets to “The Man Show”, for your troubles. Thomas: Tickets? Thanks kid! Jimmy Kimmel: Can I buy you a drink, maybe a lap dance? Thomas: Sure kid! (Jimmy signals his bodyguards to escort Thomas away) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch. |
