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.....Mark Jennings Reese II .....Dean Edwards .....Seth Meyers .....Jeff Richards .....Lorne Michaels .....Tracy Morgan .....Adam McKay .....Jim Downey .....Tina Fey .....Tara Reid (Fade in) (Mark Jennings Reese II sits at his computer, researching this week host, Tara Reid) (Scene show “Saturday, August 17, 2002 11:02 P. M.) Mark Jennings Reese II: Let’s see, Tara Reid and search! Okay, porn site! Porn site! Porn site! Oh, finally, a profile! Tara Reid. Born in Wyckoff, New Jersey. (Snickers) Hmm, this is really weird! May be I should let someone at Saturday Night Live know about this. (Ponders for next thought) I will email this “tim-bit” of information to my good friend, Seth Meyers! (Scene switches to the office of the featured players) (Jeff Richards and Dean Edwards are going over their respective lines for the show) (Seth Meyers sits at the desk, reading his fan emails) Dean Edwards: Hey Seth, did I get any fan mail? Seth Meyers: Yeah, one from that Sean Bradley kid. Jeff Richards: What about me, Seth? Did I get away viewer mail? Seth Meyers: No, Jeff. Sorry, no one likes you. (Pause) Hey guys, check this out! (Dean and Jeff both rush over to the computer and read the information) I should show this to Lorne. (Seth tries to print out the email. However, the printer slowly prints the paper out) Come on you damn printer! You think NBC could replace these printer! (Printer’s label shows “Property of Chris Rock”) (Scene switches to Seth Meyers knocking on Lorne’s office door) Lorne Michaels: Come in! Seth Meyers: Hey Lorne, I think you should look at this! Lorne Michaels: (without energy) Okay, Mike. Seth Meyers: Lorne, my name is Seth. Lorne Michaels: Right. (As Seth goes to the door to leave, Lorne is balling up the sheet of paper given to him by Seth. Seth walks out of Lorne’s office, thinks for a moment, and notices that Tracy Morgan is walking around the hallways.) Seth Meyers: Hey Tracy, can you give this information to Lorne for me? (Seth hands Tracy another copy of the information) Tracy Morgan: Oh sure, new guy! Seth Meyers: Tracy, I’ve been here a year now. Tracy Morgan: Oh yeah right! (Tracy walks into Lorne’s office without knocking and gives sheet of paper) Lorne Michaels: (reacting to the information) Holy Schneider! Tracy Morgan: Lorne, what is up? Everything copasetic? Lorne Michaels: Yeah, Yeah dawg! (Pauses, gets up out of his chair and walks to the doorway and yells out into the hallway) FEY! McKAY! DOWNEY! (Scene flips to Tina Fey, Adam McKay and Jim Downey running to Lorne’s office) Fey, McKay, and Downey: (at the same time) Lorne, what’s wrong? Lorne Michaels: Look! (Fey, McKay and Downey rush to Lorne’s side and all look at sheet of paper) Adam McKay: My god! Jim Downey: I can’t believe it! (Dramatic pause) Tina Fey: The Curse Of Candice Bergen! (Out of nowhere, Tara Reid rushes into Lorne’s office, wondering what is going on) Lorne Michaels: (shocked) Tara! My god! We were just going to call you into my office. (Tara goes into Lorne’s office and sits down) Tara Reid: Lorne, what is going on here? Lorne Michaels: Well, we have done some research and we have been doing some thinking and we don’t need you to host this week. Thank you, may some other time. Tara Reid: Lorne, what research? Lorne Michaels: Well, it seems that you were born the same date as one of the worst episodes in Saturday Night Live history. Tara Reid: Lorne, I wasn’t born during the Pee-Wee Herman episode! Lorne Michaels: No, you ditsy bitch! Candice Bergen! November 8, 1975! Tara Reid: What? Goddamn it! (Two NBC Security guards stand directly behind Tara Reid) Lorne Michaels: Okay, Tara, these nice gentlemen will show you, your way out! (Tara yells out at Lorne and the rest of the cast, well at the same time being pulled out of Lorne’s office and into the hallway) Tara Reid: You comedic, stuffy nosed, insomniacs! I will get you for this! Lorne Michaels: (in a Dr. Evil-like voice) How are you going to do that? Tara Reid: The best way possible. (Turns to the nearest camera and yells) "Live, From New York, It’s Saturday Night!!!" Rate or review this sketch. |
