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.....Will Ferrell .....Ana Gasteyer .....Joan Cusack Announcer: And now, a message from former cast member Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell: Hi. I'm former cast member Will Ferrell. That's right, you heard me correctly. I officially left "Saturday Night Live" following the May 20th broadcast, with host Winona Ryder. I left; yet, I'm still here. The crew threw me a million-dollar shindig to mark my final night in May, but Lorne Michaels also squeezed me by the balls to hold me to a secret contract I don't even remember signing. You see, folks, "SNL"'s 27th season officially came to a close on May 20th. Under normal circumstances, NBC airs reruns throughout the summer. This website, however, appoints "Mock" hosts, so their writers can continue to amuse themselves with their brilliant - and, sometimes, not-so-brilliant - senses of humor. In a way, it's like a Special Edition DVD. Like, say you own the DVD for "The Matrix". You expect to find the movie itself, which is like "SNL"'s regular season. But then you start playing around with the disc, and you find all these bonus features, like the original theatrical trailer, and the cast documentary, and the stunt secrets. Such are the Mock Host episodes found only on this website. It's fun, and keeps people out of trouble.. BUT I'M TRYING TO FILM A MOVIE! Every time one of you guys casts me in a sketch, Lorne Michaels FORCES me to fly back to New York - at MY expense - and appear in the sketch! I'm out there trying to film a movie - and I'm talking about a GOOD movie, too, not one of those Molly Shannon Gallagher pictures that only Lorne Michaels can be proud of. Now, the new season is coming up next month, and I.. WILL NOT.. be.. in the cast! But I'm sure some of you clowns will cast me in sketches, anyway, and then Lorne's going to force me to be in them. That might be good for YOU, but for me, it SUCKS! [ looks off screen ] Ana, did you want to say something? [ Ana Gasteyer enters ] Ana Gasteyer: Yes. Um.. well, I only just decided I would not be returning next season, so I'm grateful to have performed some final sketches in these fake Summer episodes. But I AM leaving, and I have no plans to be on this stage next season. I plan to stay home and raise my baby. Please, for the love of God, don't cast me in any of your sketches next season. Let me raise my child in peace! Will Ferrell: We have lives after "Saturday Night Live"! Years ago, Melanie Hutsell left the show - I haven't seen HER in any sketches! How about Rich Hall? Don't you think HE'D appreciate the exposure? How about Joan Cusack? Come on, Tom Sizemore, you pencilneck jackass! Give her a line! [ Joan Cusack enters ] Joan Cusack: Will.. Ana.. I just want to say that you guys are my favorite cast members EVER! I'm going to miss you so much! [ gives dirty look to camera before she makes her exit ] Will Ferrell: Thanks, Joan.. that was encouraging. Ana Gasteyer: Yes, very nice of you to point out our awesome presence on the show. Will Ferrell: I think that's all we really wanted to say, folks. This is the last time you'll see either one of us on "Saturday Night Live" - until we're asked to come back to host. Oh, and another thing, next season will bring in a new impersonator for President Bush - deal with it. I'm not hanging around to wear out my welcome; nobody wants to be like Jon Lovitz - least of all, Jon Lovitz. Good night, America! Announcer: This has been a message from former cast member Will Ferrell. Rate or review this sketch. |
