|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Interviewer... Seth Myers Donald Trump... Darrell Hammond Interviewer: Today for Word Companion Magazine, we will interview billionaire Donald Trump, who by day is a member of New York’s social elite and by night assumes the role of the caped crusader, Batman. Hello Donald. Donald Trump: Hello. Interviewer: Ok, the rules are that I say a random word and you offer your thoughts on that subject. Before we start the word association, we would like to ask you a few questions if that’s all right with you. Donald Trump: Just don’t waste my time. Interviewer: All right. How does it feel like to be filthy rich? Donald Trump: It feels filthy good! Interviewer: (hesitant laughter) How does it feel being Batman? Donald Trump: Excuse me? Interviewer: You heard me Trump. How does it feel being the dark knight, dispensing justice in the shadowy streets of Gotham? Donald Trump: I wouldn’t know, because I’m not a cartoon. Interviewer: All right. Let’s play some free-for-all word association. I’ll say a word and you say the first thing that comes to your head. Donald Trump: Ok. Interviewer: Batman Donald Trump: Not him. Interviewer: Good, now here comes another one: Batman. Donald Trump: Is this some kind of joke? Interviewer: Batman Donald Trump: I wouldn’t know, because I’m humble Donald Trump, multi-billionaire. Interviewer: Know what, Batman? Donald Trump: Are YOU CRAZY?!? Interviewer: (waits a few seconds)... Batman. Donald Trump: Look you freak of nature, Donald Trump doesn’t take this kind of abuse! I can have you killed! Interviewer: Tupperware Donald Trump: Huh? Oh, Uh... I suppose that’s good. Interviewer: Eskimo Donald Trump: The people or the pie? Interviewer: The pie. Donald Trump: Good, because I hate Eskimo people. Interviewer: Narcissistic prick with dumb ass looking wig. Donald Trump: If you’re trying to imply... Interviewer: BATMAN! Donald Trump: That’s it. I’ll teach you how to swim with the big fishes, by forcibly cutting gills onto your chest! Interviewer: Robin. Donald Trump: Nice ass... but I’m still not Batman. Look, I may have the good looks, ingenuity and colorful character of a comic book hero, but I’m not Batman! I don’t know how I could convince you. Interviewer: Jump out the window. Donald Trump: What? Interviewer: Batman can’t fly. You see if you’re not Batman, then by simple logic you should be able to fly to safety. Donald Trump: Of course. Finally, I will dispel the nonsensical and nonexistent rumors of me being a real comic book hero. I don’t know how to thank you. Interviewer: Thank me by jumping out the window to your certain doom. Donald Trump: Ok then. I think this is the single smartest thing I ever done. Interviewer: (chuckles) Yep. Donald Trump: Wait a minute... this is crazy... I can’t fly!, not with my giant over-sized wig on! (Trump takes off his wig) Donald Trump: Bon voyage! ( He jumps through window in the building) (Surprisingly, Trump is able to fly through the city) Donald Trump: Hahaha!, I have finally proved that I’m not Batman! Now everyone seeing me fly will know I’m not Batman. Wait... arghhh! I’ve been foiled again. Now they will know my TRUE identity... (Close up of a newspaper on the presses. It says, “Trump revealed as flying bald freak...Nobody cares.) Rate or review this sketch. |
