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Detective #1...Matt Damon Detective #2...Tina Fey Cop...Seth Meyers Chief...Horatio Sanz Clerk...Jeff Richards (OPEN ON VARIOUS CLIPS OF "CSI" SHOWS) Announcer: From the network that brought you "CSI", and now "CSI: Miami", comes a totally new experience in Forensic Criminal Investagations... (CUT TO A SHOT OF A COP AT A DESK, WHERE HIS PHONE RINGS.) Cop: You've reached the New Jersey State Police Department, how can I help you?...Uh, huh...Uh, Huh...OK, we'll get right on it. (HANGS UP) Hey Chief! (POLICE CHIEF ENTERS) Chief: What is it? Cop: We have a report of a body that's been shredded up, and it's lying all around I-95. Chief: I see...Well then, I know who to call for this case. (CUT TO A LABORATORY, WHERE A PHONE IS RINGING. SOMEONE PICKS UP) Detective #1: CSI: Trenton? Chief: Ooooooooh, Have I got a case for you... (MUSIC: THE WHO'S "WHO ARE YOU" MUSIC KEEPS PLAYING INDISTINCTLY TROUGHOUT.) Announcer: Matt Damon stars in the all new (SUPER) "CSI: Trenton". (SUPER) New City, New Team, Same Basic Idea as the other CSI shows! (CUT TO A SHOT OF DETECTIVES ON A ROAD W/CORPSE) Detective #1: Whoever cut this guy up did a pretty good job, the individual slices of him look so...immaculate! Detective #2: But where in Trenton could a guy get knives that could possibly cut up a guy this thin? (A DEPARTMENT STORE FLYER IS SEEN BLOWING IN DETECTIVE #1's FACE) Detective #2: Hey, what's that? Detective #1: Miricle Blade III, 2 for $60? Available only at the Wal-Mart in Trenton! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, partner? (THEY BOTH GIVE A SLY NOD) Announcer: "CSI: Trenton" will continue to expand the already profitable "CSI" franchise in ways never before dreamed. (CUT TO A NEARBY DEPARTMENT STORE) Detective #1: Excuse me, Sir! We're with the CSI Department, and we were wondering if you can remember any customer today that bought two sets of "Miricle Blades"? Clerk: Gee, I'd like to help you. But as you can see, I work in the electronics section. Home Goods is over there. Detective #1: Let's Go! (CUT TO MORE CSI CLIPS) Announcer: Here's what the critics are saying about "CSI: Trenton", A.O. Scott of "The New York Times" calls the show (SUPER) "...Pointless, the last thing we need, is for a perfectly good show to turn into another boring 'Law and Order' franchise..." Matt Roush of "TV Guide" says (SUPER)"...This show proves once and for all, that the only good thing to ever come out of New Jersey is 'The Sopranos'..." And Clive Barnes of the "New York Post" Exclaims (SUPER) "...Ahhhhhh! Kill it, Kill it!..." (CUT TO A LAB) Detective #1: We already know the person who bought the knives, But how do we figure out if these same knives cut the same way that the body has been cut? Detective #2: Wait a minute, don't you have that spare Human hand? Detective #1: That's right, thanks! Y'know if I wanted to, I'd kiss you! But since any romantic involvement could ruin a TV show, I better keep working. Now the cuts are exactly 2 centimeters apart from each other, so it has to be precise. Hand me that yard stick over there, as I make my cut... (DETECTIVE #1 IS ABOUT TO MAKE HIS CUT ON THE HAND WHEN THE SCENE IS ABRUPTLY CUT.) Announcer: We'd show you more, but then you wouldn't be watching it later. Watch Matt Damon in "CSI: Trenton", Premiering Wednesday right after the new "CSI: Peoria" On CBS: "Why watch what everyone else is watching?" (FADE OUT) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
