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French-American.....Seth Meyers Pakistani-American Cabdriver.....Horatio Sanz Confederate Redneck.....Jeff Richards [ music open: traditional Indian drumbeat ] [ image of Christopher Columbus zooms in to center of screen ] Narrator: "In 1492, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue." [ pause ] Thanks a lot, you jerk! [ cut to image of American Indians performing a traditional rain dance ] Prior to 1492, America was owned by the Indians - Native Americans, to you and me. Since then, the Land of the Free has become vulnerable to shoddy immigration practices, causing a swarm of foreignors to bring our civilization to its knees. Members of that swarm include, but are not limited to, the French.. [ show French-American thrusting dictionary at New Yorker ] French-American: Uh.. how do you say.. "Kiss my White Eurotrash ass!" [ blows cigarette smoke in American's face ] Narrator: ..The Pakistani cabdriver.. [ show Pakistani-American cabdriver yelling at fare ] Pakistani-American Cabdriver: I can't break twenty! Get out cab! I refuse to take shower! Get out cab! Narrator: ..The Confederate Redneck.. [ show Confederate Redneck pointing shotgun at camera ] Confederate Redneck: This country used to be divided in tee-ooh, but we'll mekkit wun agin. They kin take away our flag, but they ain't kin take away our pride! We got our Confederate flag bumper stickers on all our fer-wheelers, 'n that's the way it's gunna stay. Yankee, go home!! [ cut to close-up image of Indian face, lone tear falling from right eye ] Narrator: This October 10th, on Columbus' 510th Anniversary, we pay tribute to the jackass who started it all. When you think of everything that's wrong with America today, remember the man who made it all possible - Christopher Columbus. We're still planning our revenge.. [ cut to title card: "The Native American Council To Preserve Native Americans" ] Announcer: Paid for by The Native American Council To Preserve Native Americans, with aid from Alec Baldwin. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
