|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Supermodel.....Sarah Michelle Gellar Geek.....Chris Kattan (Scene: An apartment. Sofa can be seen in foreground. There is a knock on the door. Supermodel walks to the door.) Supermodel: Hello. Who is it? (a muffled voice a la shark skit comes through from the other side. Supermodel looks through peephole but shakes her head. She opens the door slightly. Geek pops his head in.) Geek: Hi there. Supermodel: Alex... (exasperated sigh) hello again. Geek: Yeah, hi Christina. Just wanted to pop by and see how my...I mean your.. kidney is doing (gives a friendly laugh). Supermodel: (fake laugh) Well. Just like everyday. It's doing good. And just like everyday, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for donating it to me. Geek: Yeah, no problem Hey, you opened the door this time. Supermodel: (fake laugh) Yeah I couldn't see out of the peephole. My guess is you covered it. I guess I learned my lesson. Anyways Alex, I don't know what else to say. You saved my life. Thank you. Geek: Well we've been neighbors for years and even though you never once talked to me...when I heard you were sick I jumped at the chance to help you. Yeah, I guess you owe me one. Supermodel: Uh..well I guess so. Look, if this is about money? Geek: No no. Please, who do you think I am? But hey...maybe sometime...you know...(checking her out) I could get a look at the goods? Supermodel: WHAT? Geek: (pointing frantically at her side) Your side where the operation was done. Just wanted to see...the spot where my kidney entered and saved your life... (turns and lowers head) but hey forget it... Supermodel: (touching his shoulder) No, no I'm sorry. Sure here have a look. Geek: (kind of creepy like and staring at her side) Mind if I just touch it. Supermodel: (with her back turned to him) Well be careful, it's still tender. Geek: Oh yeah. (licking lips) Baby, if you ever need any other parts of me inside you... Supermodel: (spins around) WHAT? Geek: What? I was just saying that I'd be happy to donate anything if it meant saving your life. Sheesh. Supermodel: Okay. Look I'm tired I need rest. I guess I'll see you later. Geek: Wait. So it's working fine...the kidney. I mean...you know the urine. (the supermodel looks confused.) I mean you pee normally thanks to me, right? You are peeing normally aren't you? Supermodel: (kinda grossed out) Yes, Alex. As a matter of fact, I really have to pee now...so if you'll excuse me. Geek: Oh really...can I watch? Supermodel: WHAT? Geek: No no...just to make sure the kidney is working. I just wanted to watch you urinate for my own peace of mind. Just to know that you're okay. (giggling nervously) Nothing wrong with that. Supermodel: (seriously) Okay look. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Geek: Okay...hey no problem. Look I was thinking. Maybe the four of us can get together some time? Supermodel: Four of us...what? Geek: Me, you, your kidney which was formally my kidney and of course my lonely little kidney (petting his side). What do you say...baby. Supermodel: No. Geek: (kinda upset) Hey....you owe me. That's my kidney! Supermodel: You donated it to me, bub. So it's not your kidney anymore. Now get lost. Geek: Oh that's how it works eh? I may have donated my kidney to you but you stole my heart. And like the great Rod Stewart said, "That's a pain I can do without." Supermodel: Oh geez. I'm just not interested in you that way. I'm sorry. Geek: No I'm sorry...I don't know what's come over me. Look can I have a hug? Then we'll call it even. How about that? Supermodel: Alright. That sounds okay. (he doesn't break the hug) Hey...cut it out get off me. Geek: I can't help it. Don't you see my kidney wants to be with it's partner...I'm trying to pull away but it's stuck. (she pushes him off.) Supermodel: Okay that's it. GET OUT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS. And if I ever, and I mean ever, see you or your kidney within one hundred feet of me...I'm gonna get a restraining order. Understand. Geek: Yeah I understand. I guess the woman I gave my kidney to, wasn't the woman I thought she was. Fine. No hard feelings. Hey what's that over there. (kidney punches her. Exaggerated punch sound effect of course). Just saying goodbye to my kidney which is all of a sudden too good for me. GOODBYE. Supermodel: (in visible pain) Oh...that was a good one. (He waves at her and turns to leave. She kidney punches him) Geek: (he gets up from being down on one knee.) Oh yeah....you left the water running. (kidney punches her.) Supermodel: (She fixes her hair and gets to her feet) Hey Gary. (Geek turns around to look at Gary who isn't really there. Christina goes to punch him and sees that he's holding one of her sofa pillows in front of his kidney area. He turns around with a smirk and she kicks him in the groin. He goes down out of scene.) Geek: (offscreen) My...testicles...I think you crushed them... (the shot is now above waist on Supermodel. She is looking down at Geek who is offscreen.) Supermodel: Oh really. Well how about this. (lifts up dress or at least makes that motion. Making V-motion with hands to point at crotch.) I'll donate you one of mine and then we'll be even! (Geek gets up and runs out of the door, tripping and falling over himself.) Supermodel: (slamming the door shut) Jackass! (she adjusts herself and walks away from door.) [Fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
