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[ Intro to "MTV Diary" plays ] Announcer: Today we bring you the story of Saddam Hussein, as only he could tell it, on MTV Diary Presents, M!ssundaztood, the Saddam Hussein Story. Saddam Hussein: "August 23rd, 2002: (a sleepy, delirious Saddam talks into the camera, in the back reruns of "The Honeymooners" are playing) Exhaustion, exhaustion, exhaustion. Your American media tires me so much. You’d think “Axis-of-evil” was on the Billboard Top 10, you’ve outplayed it so much. I spoke to my head patent officer, actually now just the head of the head patent officer after today’s discussion, about trademarking the name. We hired the creative geniuses at Joe Boxer, Muhammed Abdullah Boxer here, to create a jingle for it. I can’t give anything away yet, but look for it this holiday season, you’ll know it when you see it. Anyway, it’s already 2:00 and although Iraq is a country that never sleeps, bombing runs are slow this time of ….." (falls asleep into camera) Saddam Hussein: "August 24th, 2002: (Saddam has just awoken, and looks no better then yesterday when he was exhausted) Yawn, big day today, Mashmed’s bachelor party is surely to impress the weapons inspectors, as his parties are our equivalent to P. Diddy’s there in America. (whistles and sings to himself, but camera still taping. “I need a girl to ride ride ride….) Anyway after the oil wine loosens up the women, eyepieces are sure to fly off faster then the jets that will inevitably bomb us, hehe, just some doomed dictator humor. Oh sundial reads 4:00 gotta go partay!!" Saddam Hussein: "August 27th, 2002 (Saddam is distressed and hungover, what looks like drapes hangs over his shoulder but is actually ladies headpieces, as “Supressed Woman’s secret” is seen on the edges NOTE: Saddam gets angrier as this monologue continues) Urghhhh…. Damn our huge national reserve of oil! The fermented high octane is good to start, but once you're in, everyone’s your friend. A small game of twister turned into a Exxon induced warhead inspecting, chemical sniffing, tea drinking rampage. But hey, whoever puts anthrax into Lipton is not Iraqi, so we let him experiment. His last words were,”but I thought it was Sweet and lo….” Come on people, look for the pink packet!" (Saddam’s anger takes the energy out of his body, and he crashes down again) Saddam Hussein: "September 1st, 2002 (Saddam is wearing a pro-American shirt reading "These colors may run but they never fade, also a Yankees cap hides his new shorter haircut, and a sleeveless Harley-Davidson t-shirt also shows a tattoo reading, "Born to ride") Hello America, my summer home away from the desert, my home away from home. A spiritualul enlightening has beseached me these past 4 days. Sleeping in my own urine is all that kept me alive and thinking of america, as my own assistants passed my unconcious body, in search of free stationary reserved as well as staples and scotch tape reserved for me, Saddam, or Adam as I like to be called now. I am taking the first plane to your country, where a life as a high school gym teacher awaits me. I hope sterotyping at the airports isn't too bad, after all I still have some arab blood in me. hope that doesnt set off the metal detect..." (CUT TO NEWSSHOW) News Anchor: This was one of the many cassettes found after an air raid on iraq, the axis of evil headquarters TM, brought to you by Landers Baby wash, it's tear free, so you don't have to be and Marlboro lights, light up, it could be your last one. All government employees are presumed dead, and the search is still on for what looks to be a Hells angel let loose in the rubble. In other news..... Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
