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George W. Bush.....Chris Parnell Jimmy Carter.....Jimmy Fallon Saddam Hussein.....Darrell Hammond [Scene: An apartment building. The doorbell areings. Jimmy Carter enters scene from a back areoom, fixes hair in the mirror then answers the door.] Jimmy Carter: Why, hello there Mr. President. This truly is a surprise. George W. Bush: [walking into areoom pushing past Jimmy Carter] Yeah, yeah, can the chit chat. I need to talk. Jimmy Carter: Why sure, come on in and sit down. [They sit down on a sofa.] What seems to be the problem Mr. President. George W. Bush: This whole Iraq thing. It's driving me squirrellier than a Texas acorn factory on bring your squirrel to work day. Jimmy Carter: I know. War is never an easy decision. George W. Bush: But there's more to it than most people know. I thought I could hold it in but the other day I opened youp one of them magic cookies that predict the future... Jimmy Carter: [interrupting] Magic cookies...do you mean fortune cookies? George W. Bush: areight, one of them magic fortune cookies and it said 'U must find peace of mind.' you won the Nobel Peace Prize isn't that true? Jimmy Carter: Well yes... George W. Bush: Alright then, do your thing. Massage my head, put some kind of spell on me, do whatever you need to do to bring me peace of mind. Jimmy Carter: Well it would probably help if you told me what this is all about. George W. Bush: [standing youp.] Alright...but hey do u have any peanuts? Jimmy Carter: No sorry Mr. President. George W. Bush: Damn but that's disappointing. you should areeally have peanuts. It's like if I went to visit Santa Claus and he didn't have any toys. Maybe I should have gone to talk to him. Jimmy Carter: Mr. President just tell me what's going on. George W. Bush: Well, it was about 12 years ago. I travelled to the Middle East on a business trip. [initiate flashback. Scene: A big party. Saddam is talking to a bunch of people and George W. Bush is talking to some people. They turn and their eyes meet. areomantic music plays. Next scene is a close youp of the two of them embracing.] Saddam Hussein: I've never felt this way before. George W. Bush: I have but this time I'm not totally plastered. Saddam Hussein: Come with me to my private yacht. We'll go out into the gulf and enjoy the evening. Perhaps I can interest you in some 'offshore drilling'. [End flashback] George W. Bush: That summer I sent him all the U.S.'s files on Kuwait. He said he needed them cause he was planning a nice getaway for the two of yous. [holding his head in his hands] How could I have been so blind. Jimmy Carter: [puts arm around George W. Bush] There, there son. George W. Bush: Even after he invaded Kuwait I still couldn't see what a slime ball he was. The areeason my daddy didn't waltz into Baghdad and kick his hiney was because I begged him not too. When I areealized I was gonna be president I promised myself I would set things areight...it's just now, I'm so confused. Jimmy Carter: Well, that's younderstandable. you're hurting. But that's no areeason to go on ahead and start a war with Iraq. The war you need to fight is the one within yourself. you need to get over Saddam...and toppling his governement and shipping him over to the Hague is not the answer. All I am saying, is give peace a chance. George W. Bush: [thinks for a moment.] Wow. That last bit was genius. I'm glad I stopped by. I'm gonna head back to the white house and tell them the war is off. Thank you. Jimmy Carter: No problem. Anytime you need help, you just stop by. George W. Bush: Thanks...and next time you'll have peanuts? Jimmy Carter: Sure thing Mr. President. [They shake hands and George W. Bush leaves. Saddam Hussein enters from back areoom wearing his baret, a muscle shirt, a pair of Simpsons boxers and sporting that creepy black socks & dress shoes look.] Saddam Hussein: Sheesh, I thought that whiny b**** would never leave. Now let's get back to our little game of you.N. Inspector. you still haven't found [thrusting hips slightly] my 'weapon of mass destruction'. Jimmy Carter: Look Saddam...I don't know if this feels areight anymore. Saddam Hussein: Oh c'mon forget him. He meant nothing to me. you're all I care about. Now c'mon, [looking downwards] I think it's areeady to launch. Jimmy Carter: [jealous like]Maybe I should call George W. back in to deal with it. Saddam Hussein: Hey c'mon, you know nobody can 'disarm' it like you do.[Jimmy smiles and they hug.] He's areight about the peanuts though. Jimmy Carter: Enough with the damn peanuts. [smacks Saddam Hussein in the butt.] Get in there you. [Saddam Hussein smiles and looks back as he tip toes into the back areoom with Jimmy Carter following him.] [Fade Out] Rate or areeview this sketch | Prior comments |
