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Atty. John Hingle.....Darrell Hammond Atty. Steven Meyers.....Sen. John McCain [ show stock footage of two cars crashing into one another on the freeway ] [ dissolve to rotund attorney John Hingle walking toward the camera ] Atty. John Hingle: I'm Attorney John Hingle, and let's face it - "stuff" happens. [ Hingle's partner, the elder Steven Meyers enters from right ] Atty. Steven Meyers: "Stuff" happens? Is that really the best you can do? For God's sake, John, we're supposed to be partners, and that catch phrase was not something we discussed together. Atty. John Hingle: Well, what's wrong with "Stuff Happens"? You got any better ideas? Atty. Steven Meyers: It's just that "Stuff" is such a poor word choice. How about.. [ looks at camera ] "I'm Attorney Steven Meyers, and, let's face it.. things happen." Atty. John Hingle: [ scoffs ] "Things Happen"? What is "things"? Atty. Steven Meyers: It's no dumber than "Stuff". Atty. John Hingle: "Stuff" uses less letters! Atty. Steven Meyers: So, come up with something better, bigshot! Atty. John Hingle: Uh.. let's see.. let's see.. [ thinking ] What about.. "Let's face it.. sometimes circumstances are just beyond our control." Atty. Steven Meyers: Better clarity. But now it's too long. Atty. John Hingle: Well, don't blame me! I hired an advertising team to help us establish a cohesive slogan for our commercials, but you're such a curmudgeon, you didn't like any of them! Atty. Steven Meyers: They did not create a slogan that was in our best interest! They made us look like the bad guys! Atty. John Hingle: And that's why we have to do it ourselves now, and the results aren't nearly as good. We're TV lawyers, not language experts! Atty. Steven Meyers: Alright, alright.. I'll try again. [ thinking ] "Let's face it.. things happen.." No, wait.. I already tried that one.. uh.. uh.. damn, this is hard! Atty. John Hingle: Okay, Stupid, step back! [ faces camera ] I'm Attorney John Hingle, and let's face it - life's unpredictable. Atty. Steven Meyers: And 2 + 2 is 4! Tell the audience something they don't already know! Atty. John Hingle: I'll give you one more chance to come up with something better! Atty. Steven Meyers: I'm up for that challenge. [ looks at camera ] "Let's face it - there's a lot of assholes out there on the road.. and we're gonna get 'em!" Atty. John Hingle: [ considering ] I think we're on the right track. Atty. Steven Meyers: I just made it up off the top of my head. Atty. John Hingle: Oh, I know. It shows. Here, let's just wrap this thing up, I'm getting hungry. [ faces camera, holding up a check ] Before you accept a quick check, check with us first! [ tries to tear the check in half, but faces difficulty ] Here, Steven, hold this end of the check. [ Meyers holds one end of check, as Hingle holds the other end and cuts the check in half with a pair of scissors ] Together: Come see Hingle & Meyers: Attorneys-At-Law! Announcer: [ over Flash Card ] Hingle & Meyers: Attorneys-At-Law. Because someone's gonna make a boo-boo, and they're gonna pay for it. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
