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Carrie ... Maya Rudolph Steve ... Seth Meyers Justin... Horatio Sanz Kristi... Nia Vardalos Walking Passer-By... Dean Edwards [Open on a high school prom. Lots of kids are dancing in the background. A boy and a girl sit at a table in the foreground, drinking punch. Cheesy 80's pop music plays in the background] Steve: [talking loud, over the music] So, are you enjoying the prom so far? Carrie: Yeah, it's alright I guess. Thanks for asking me. Steve: No problem. I figured we would have fun. Carrie: [looking around] Hey, I'm gonna go get some cake. Want me to bring you any? Steve: Sure, thanks a lot. [She gets up and walks away] [Steve's friend Justin walks over] Justin: Hey dude, I saw you here with Carrie. She's hot, man, nice job. You are the MAN! Steve: Hey thanks, it's spooking me out a little though. Justin: Why? She's cute. Steve: Yeah, but going to a dance with a girl named Carrie? I mean, c'mon, didn't you ever see that movie? Justin: Oh wait. [Thinking] Oh YEAH, isn't that the one where some chick massacres her class cause they tormented her? Don't they dump pig's blood on her and then everyone dies? Steve: Yeah, that's it. It's creeping me out, man. It's just bad karma to go with a girl named Carrie. Justin: What, you think she has telekinetic powers or something? No way man, she's got a nice rack and long legs, that's all you need to know. Steve: [looking back] Hold on, here she comes. [scared] Get out of here, man, she might get pissed if you are here. Justin: She's not gonna get pissed. Lay off dude, I wanna say hi. Steve: [frightened] Please, just leave. I don't want to get her mad. I don't want to die tonight! Justin: [ignoring him]: Hey there Carrie. Nice to meet you! [He shakes her hand] I'm Justin, one of Steve's friends. Carrie: [smiling] Oh, hi Justin. I've seen you around. Nice to meet you. [She places two plates of cake on the table]. I got us some with extra frosting. Justin: Well, I gotta take off. Have fun, you two. Hope everything goes... well. [He grins and elbows Steve, then leaves.] [The song "Careless Whisper" starts to play in the background.] Carrie: [pouting] Oh, I don't like this song. They always play this crap at dances. Steve: [frightened] I'm sorry, please don't get upset. I can tell them to stop. I'll go do it, right now. [He is all jumpy, he stands up to leave.] Carrie: No, it's no big deal. Geez, chill out. I just like the faster songs better. Steve: Okay, just let me know if everything is okay. Carrie: [Looking at him strangely] You seem awfully jumpy. Are you alright? Steve: Oh, I'm fine. Why, you don't like me? [nervous] Am I doing something wrong? I can change! Carrie: Wait a minute, I know what's going on. It's my name, isn't it? Steve: No, of course not! I mean... I don't know what you are talking about. Carrie: [disgusted] Listen, that stupid movie has ruined more dates for me over the years... I haven't been asked to a dance for three years. Can you guess why? Steve: Because you killed your entire class? Carrie: NO! Look, I don't have any magical powers. I'm just a girl who likes to go on dates and have fun. I'm not going to kill anyone, I just want to sit her, eat my cake, drink my punch, and maybe dance a little. Is that so much to ask? Steve: [sheepish] Well, I guess not. Kristi: [approaching] Oh my goodness! Steve! Is that you? [A slightly tipsy girl approaches Steve and gives him a hug.] Steve: Oh, hi Kristi. Carrie, this is Kristi. We're old friends. Carrie: [coldly folding her arms] Oh, we know each other alright. Kristi: [glaring at Carrie] Oh, it's you. Carrie: Why don't you take a hike, wench. Kristi: What's the matter, sweetie, still jealous that I stole your boyfriend in junior high? [Carrie gets very angry. She starts to clench her fists and set her jaw. Steve sees this and steps in immediately.] Steve: Okay! Kristi, it was nice to see you, but I'm busy here. Have to be going. [He tries to drag her away from Carrie] So sad, see you soon. [under his breath] Please leave, I don't want to die. [Steve comes back, offering a big smile] Steve: There, everything okay now? Carrie: [mad] AAAAAAHHH! [screaming] [Steve drops like a shot, rolling under the table. He covers his head and whimpers. Carrie sees this and reaches under the table, softly shaking him.] Carrie: Hey, you. Get up here, silly. I was just letting off some steam, that's all. [Steve gets back up, with a sheepish grin on his face. A thin dark stream runs down his pants.] Carrie: Did you wet yourself? Steve: Uh... I... um. [looking around] I fell in a some punch. Carrie: Gross. Steve: [still shaken] You're not angry, are you? Carrie: Well yes I am. Kristi really hurt me, I've never really forgotten it. And [she starts to sniffle] do you know what happens when I get upset? Steve: [scared] Everyone must die? Carrie: No. [she sobs] I start to cry. [She pulls out a kleenex and wipes her eyes]. Oh great, I've ruined my makeup. Mind walking me to the ladies room? Steve: Uh, okay. [The two get up and start to walk to the bathroom. Steve is looking constantly around the room as they walk, up above them, to the sides, on the ground. He is checking everything out, and slightly shielding her with his body.] Carrie: Don't tell me, looking for a bucket of pig's blood? Steve: Hey, I'm just being careful. I don't want anyone to dump anything on you. Carrie: [beginning to get annoyed] Look, buddy. This happens at EVERY dance I go to. There's never been a bucket dumped on me, I've never unleashed madass voodoo powers on my class, and no one has died. I'm just walking to the freaking bathroom here. Steve: Hey, lay off me. You forget, the big-haired blond guy in that movie died too. I'm the date! ME! I'm looking out for my own ass too. Carrie: Oh, that's really sweet. Sure, we'll let the girl get crap dumped on her head, but as long as you are okay, that's all well and good. Steve: Well, I'd kinda prefer that no one dies if at all possible. [He sees a janitor's bucket sitting on a nearby ledge and flips out.] Steve: LOOK OUT! [He tackles her aside and the two of them fall over. He ends up on top of her on the ground]. Walking Passer-by: Nice move, buddy. Lay it to her! Carrie: [angrily] Get off me! That's it! I'm sick of this CRAP! [She stands up] Look, I have punch on my dress now. It's all ruined. [Her dress is now dyed red in spots, looking like Carrie in the movie.] Steve: Oh my God! [horrified] Nobody laugh at her! Everybody run! RUN!!! [Everyone around them keeps dancing. They ignore him.] Carrie: [seething] YOU! [She points at Steve] Now you must die. [She raises her arms in the air dramatically. She opens her eyes really wide, like in the movie] Steve: [terrified] No!!!!! [He turns to run and crashes through a wall, leaving an imprint of his body.] [After Steve is gone, Carrie lowers her arms and starts laughing.] Justin: Man, what's his problem? Carrie: I don't know. I guess he wasn't feeling well. Oh well, he was boring anyway. [She smiles at Justin.] Your name's Justin, right? Justin: Yeah. Carrie: Want to go make out in the parking lot? Justin: I thought you'd never ask. [They hold hands and walk out the door of the gym] [end] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
