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Vinnie.....Robert De Niro Paulie.....Horatio Sanz Vic.....Jimmy Fallon INT. AFTERNOON. RESTAURANT. Three Italians sit around a table in a restaurant talking. Vinnie: Okay. We're gonna play a little game here. It's something I used to play back in high school with an old buddy and a couple of other mooks I used to hang out with. It's called, “Who would you rather bang?” Now, the object of this game is very simple. You give someone two choices of objects, whether they be real or fake does not make a difference, and ask them who they would rather bang. Capish? The only real catch is that you have to make a decision. You can't pass or anything. Paulie: Count me out. This is ridiculous. Vinnie: Shut up, you little mamaluke. You're playing! It's easy, and no one is gonna care who says what. Watch. Vic, who would you rather bang? Your grandma or your grandpa? Vic: Oh wow. I'd have to go with my grandpa here. He's senile and could probably be talked into having a dong in his duff real easy. My grandma still has her faculties and she might enjoy it. Now that would terrify me. I don't wanna go through life knowing my grandma enjoyed having sex with anyone, let alone me. At least my grandpa wouldn't know what was happening. I could live with that. Vinnie: Yeah, but you'd know what was happening. Wouldn't that be crazy enough? Vic: Oh, definitely. But if I banged my senile grandpa, he'd never be able to tell anyone else. He'd never even know it happened so there is no way anyone else could find out. My grandma would probably be bragging about it to her friends down at the bridge club. All the other grannies would be talking about how their grandkids are getting married and what now and here comes mine out of nowhere to blow all their minds away with a tale of her strapping, young buck of a grandson stuffing her like a Thanksgiving turkey. No, I can't have that. No way. Vinnie: Well, you got a point there. Who wants that? But you also chose to bang a man over a woman and that probably makes you gay. Vic: Hell if I care, Vinnie. Gay or straight, I am not gonna give my jaw flapping grandma the satisfaction of having a wild sex story to tell about me. No sir. Vinnie: Okay, you win. Now it's your turn. Ask Paulie one. Paulie: No Vic! I told you I don't wanna play this game. Who wants to get stuck banging their grandma or something? That's not fun. Vinnie: Tell me about it. Especially one that is gonna tell their bridge club buddies about it like Vic's here. But what about your granddad? Would you nail him? Paulie: Why don't you go screw yourself, Vinnie. Vinnie: Why would I do that when I've got your sister to do it for me? Paulie: Get outta here! Vinnie: Oh, come on. Lighten up! No one cares. This is all in good fun. Vic: Yeah. It's just a game. Just play. Vinnie: Here. I'll tell ya what. Vic here will ask you an easy one first. That way you can get the hang of it before we go any further. Go ahead, Vic. Vic: Okay. Uhm, who would you rather bang? Burt Reynolds or Pamela Anderson? Paulie: Pamela Anderson. I mean, c'mon. She's hot. Vinnie: Exactly! That's the kinda broad anyone would wanna bang. See, that wasn't so bad, right? Paulie: No, that was easy. Vinnie: Right! See, it's all in good fun, just like I said. Now here comes another one. Get ready. Who would you rather bang? Your mother or my dog? Paulie: Forget about it!! I'm not gonna pick between those two. Vinnie: You have to! There is no copping out. That's what makes it fun. We discussed this already. Vic: Yeah. C'mon, don't be a baby. Pick between slipping the sausage to your mom or his dog. Paulie: No way! I can't do that. That's my mom for Christ's sake. The woman is a saint! Vinnie: Hey, it's my dog. Now what is it gonna be? The warmth and tenderness of your momma's sloppy love pudding or my dog's sticky, smelly brown eye? Vic: Your decision, man. It's tough though, I'll admit. Do you go with your mom just because it's a woman? But then it's your mom! What're you gonna do? Paulie: Alright, to hell with it! Here goes. I'll take the dog. Vinnie: You dog banger! Paulie: Bastard! You said no one would care about what we say we would do! You said it was all just in good fun! Vinnie: But that was before I knew you banged dogs. Dog banger. Vic: And we thought we knew you, man. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
