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Darrell....Darrell Hammond Rachel....Rachel Dratch A black screen with the words “Wouldn't This Suck Theatre,” written in white lettering. A soft, yet happy and upbeat piano melody plays. A NARRATOR speaks. Narrator (V.O.): Welcome to another edition of “Wouldn't This Suck Theatre.” DISSOLVE TO: INT. STAGE SETTING. A Stage. The curtains open to reveal DARRELL, a patient, and RACHEL, the nurse, in a hospital room like environment. She is drawing his blood. It is morning. Darrell: I don't think I've ever given blood before. Is it going to hurt? Rachel: Oh, no! I've been doing this for years. It's going to be quick and painless. You won't feel a thing. Darrell: Well that's good. I've been so nervous about it, but it's for a good cause that I'm doing this. The Red Cross needs blood donations now more than ever. Rachel: You're absolutely right. All types of people have come in to donate blood lately so it's really been great. In fact, I've been doing nothing but drawing blood all morning. Okay, here goes. She injects him with the needle. A momentary silence while she draws the blood and then... Rachel: (Cont.) Okay, you're all set. I'm done. Darrell: Wow! You're right, I didn't feel a thing. You're really good at that. Rachel: Thanks! I try to be quick at it. In fact, a lot of times I don't even bother to use clean needles. It makes the process go a lot faster. Wouldn't you agree? Darrell: What?!? Rachel: Oops! There I go again, giving away medical secrets. My bad! Darrell is shocked by what he has heard. Sad, downbeat music plays. Curtain closes. Black screen comes up with the words “Wouldn't This Suck Theatre,” written in white lettering and again the Narrator speaks. Narrator (V.O.): This has been “Wouldn't This Suck Theatre.” FADE OUT: Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
