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.....Mark Jennings Reese II .....Robert DeNiro Passenger.....Seth Meyers Owen Wilson.....Will Forte .....Horatio Sanz (Fade in to Main stage) Mark Jennings Reese II: Hello, I’m Mark Jennings Reese II. Welcome to Saturday Night You Presents! Tonight we would like to present an interesting tale of tonight’s host, Robert DeNiro. Open the capacity of your imagination, first! December 2002. Robert DeNiro presents a private viewing of his new flick “Analyze That”. Many comment that the movie was “missing something”. Over the next year, DeNiro appears in a handful of movies. All in the series flop in theatres. In the coming years, Hollywood outcasts DeNiro. DeNiro was forced to take a taxicab-driving job in New York City. That is where tonight’s vignette begins... (Camera pans to taxicab) (Scene flashes the date: December 2007) Passenger: 45th and 2nd! Robert DeNiro: Okay Passenger: Hey, aren’t you Robert DeNiro? Robert DeNiro: Yeah, you better believe it! Passenger: God, you are like a god. What are you doin’ driving a taxicab? Research for a movie or something? Robert DeNiro: I guess you could say that. Passenger: Hey, could you do somethin’ for me? Say that line from Meet The Parents...You Focker! Robert DeNiro: What are you, a friggin’ moron? Get out of my cab! (Fade back to Mark’s main stage) Mark Jennings Reese II: Throughout this story of the DeNiro we once knew, Bobby hated it when people would ask him to say lines from his movies. That became the main reason for his excessive outbursts. Let’s continue! (Fade back to the taxicab) Owen Wilson: 46th and 7th! Hey Bobby, it’s me Owen Wilson! Robert DeNiro: Who? Owen Wilson: Owen Wilson, from Meet the Parents! Robert DeNiro: Owen, I didn’t notice you without the stick up your ass! Owen Wilson: Bobby, there is no need for that! What are you makin’ a taxicab confession thing? Robert DeNiro: No, Owen…that will be $13.45. Okay, Owen, don’t tell anyone where I am...you know Stiller, any of them. Owen Wilson: That’s okay, Bobby. I’m not in Hollywood any more. After that “Shanghai Knights” flick with Jackie Chan bombed, I haven’t been able to get work, so I am working as Chuck Gruden’s stunt double. (Fade back to Mark’s main stage) Mark Jennings Reese II: Inside fact: if you look at a picture of actor Owen Wilson and a picture of football coach Chuck Gruden, the similarity in their looks is uncanny! Now back to more “Taxi Driver”. (Fade back to the taxicab) Horatio Sanz: Time Square, please! Robert DeNiro: Yeah, okay! So, what you doin’ in Time Square? Horatio Sanz: Are you talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me? Robert DeNiro: Yeah, assface! Horatio Sanz: You must be, cuz I the only one here! (DeNiro turns around to talk to the passenger) Robert DeNiro: Hey bastard, I’m the driver here...I wanna know what you're doin’ in Time Square! You better tale me, Focker! Horatio Sanz: Watch the road! (Enter Mark on to the Taxi stage) Mark Jennings Reese II: And freeze! Well, that’s it for SNY Presents Taxi Driver. What have we learned tonight? Well, I have learned that in Hollywood, it’s not quantity, but quality that makes you a star! You know what I’m talkin’ about Gene Hackman; 100 movies, 100 characters, one character trait. That’s for another day and another episode of SNY Present. Good night! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
