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Woman/Herself...Maya Rudolph Man...Jeff Gordon ...Mark Jennings Reese II ...Avril Lavigne ...Lorne Michaels ...Tracy Morgan (Fade in – kitchen setting with a table and chairs) (A young woman is cleaning the dishes and cleaning the counters) (Enter a young man in “casual dress”) Man: Hello, honey! (Kisses his wife) (Sits down and starts to read the paper) Hey, honey, listen to this...”A 16-year-old California boy, who posed as a probation officer and took 11 teenagers he had never met to a miniature golf course, is facing charges of burglary, auto theft and impersonating an officer.” Now, see honey if the boy was an actor, he could say it’s research for a movie; like that Winona Ryder chick! (Both laugh in a ‘stuck-up’ fashion) Woman: Sweetie, it’s interesting you say that. Because the other day I was driving in the car, coming home from the shopping center and a song was playing on the radio. Man: (Curiously) Oh, really, what song? Beach Boys “Good Vibrations”? Woman: No. Man: What is a Barbara Streisand song? Woman: NO! I don’t think you have ever heard of this girl? Man: Who? Woman: Avril Lavigne? Man: Umm...I don’t think I have heard of them. Woman: Apparently, it’s a she...I was thinking, if this girl weren’t famous, people would really mess up saying her name. Man: How so? Woman: Like if she worked at like a McDonald’s, people might be like (pauses) “Hey, Advil, Tylenol, whatever your name is, let me get a number 4, super-sized!” Man: (laughs at the joke) Oh, honey, that’s hilarious! And that’s why I married you, or was it the other way around? Woman: Well, anyhow. Man: (looks at his watch) Oh, honey, I got to go to work. I call you later! (Man and woman kiss and hug) (Man exits) (Woman steps out to the stoplight as the lights on stage dim) Woman: Hello, I’m Maya Rudolph. The last sketch you have seen and/or read was to prove a point. If you aren’t famous, you are going to get the short end of the stick. As you know, many corporate executives... (Camera cuts to backstage, where Mark Jennings Reese II is watching the show from a TV monitor) (Avril Lavigne walks up to Reese) (She processes to punch him in the face) (Reese falls to the ground) Mark Jennings Reese II: What the Gaylord Focker was that for? Avril Lavigne: Did you write this piece? Mark Jennings Reese II: (laying on the floor in pain) Yeah, why? Avril Lavigne: What the hell was that whole thing about me? Mark Jennings Reese II: Well, I thought it would be funny to make fun of your name. The words “Avril” and “Advil” have an uncanny resemblance. (Lorne and Tracy approach Reese & Avril) (Avril attempts to punch Reese again) Lorne Michaels: What the Joe Piscopo is going on here? Tracy Morgan: Oh, snap! Mark Jennings Reese II: Ask her! Tracy Morgan: Lorne, I got a feeling this is gonna be hilarious! Avril Lavigne: I punched him, Lorne! (Reese still lies on the floor in pain) Tracy Morgan: Oh, snap! (Tracy bends down to Reese’s side) Lorne Michaels: Tracy, is there anything I can do? Tracy Morgan: Get him an ice pack, bitch! (Lorne exits) (Camera pans back to Maya finishing her monologue rant) Woman/Maya Rudolph: And that is why we have presented this sketch. Thank you! (Spotlight fades out) (Maya walks backstage where Avril, Reese and Tracy stand) Maya Rudolph: What is going on? (Reese groans in pain) Mark Jennings Reese II: Avril punched me! Maya Rudolph: Why? Mark Jennings Reese II: I don’t know. Must be all that sexual frustration! (Tracy & Maya laugh in hysterics) (Tracy gives Reese a high five) (Lorne reappears) Lorne Michaels: Here’s your ice! (Hands it to Reese) Avril Lavigne: Lorne, do you let all your writers do this to the guests? Lorne Michaels: Do what? Avril Lavigne: Well, Writer McGee over here said I punched him because I am sexually frustrated. Lorne Michaels: Mark, is this true? Mark Jennings Reese II: Yeah! Lorne Michaels: Well, to quote Tracy over here, “That is hilarious!” Avril Lavigne: What the hell? Is this a personal vendetta against Canadian punk rockers? Lorne Michaels: You’re Canadian? Me, too! (Lorne & Avril proceed to make out in the heat of the moment) (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
