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Himself.....Jeff Gordon Advisor.....Chris Kattan Applicant #1.....Darrell Hammond Oxi-Clean Guy.....Will Forte 7-up Guy.....Dean Edwards Applicant #2.....Chris Parnell Applicant #3.....Amy Poehler (Scene opens as we see Jeff Gordon and some sort of manager or advisor sitting with him behind a table, one side of the room has a sign with two men standing near it that says Discard.) Advisor: (looking at Jeff) Jeff, so far none of these logos for your new racecar have been up to par. Jeff Gordon: Whoah now bubba…you usin’ golf terms on me?? I drive race cars! Advisor: Its just an expression!…nevermind…let’s get this over with. Will the next applicant please step forward? Applicant #1: (enters scene wearing a T-shirt that says Viagra “Get your life up and running again”.) Hello, Gentlemen. Jeff Gordon: Viagra?!? Applicant #1: That’s right, I’m a spokesman for Viagra and I really think our product is the one to go with. You see, I’ve come to find that many NASCAR viewers are middle-aged men, and this product would appeal to them. I realize this is wonderful publicity, and we are willing to pay a fair price for this. Jeff Gordon: Hell no! What young man would display that on his racecar? I’m not Richard Petty! Applicant #1: (attention on advisor) Who?? Advisor: I don’t know…who follows this white trash sport, anyway? Jeff Gordon: (appalled at the two racing ignorant men) Richard Petty! The King!!! Applicant #1: You mean Elvis! Jeff Gordon: Discard! (Applicant #1 walks over to the discard area and we see two men, one who is usually seen in the annoying Oxy-Clean commercials, the other, in the annoying 7-up commercials. 7-up guy is wearing the infamous green t-shirt, only he is wearing it so that the front says ‘UP YOURS’) Oxyclean Guy: (attention on 7-up guy and spraying oxy-Clean on very dirty white carpet.) You see…Oxy-Clean goes places other carpet cleaners cannot. 7-up Guy: Wow, it does an impeccable job!! (as he bends over to look at the difference in the carpet, we see the back of his shirt which says ‘JEFF GORDON’) (Cut back over to Jeff) Advisor: Next, please! (Man enters holding a circular tin in his hand, wearing a shirt that says Copenhagen.) Applicant #2: Hello to you fellows. May I suggest for Jeff’s new logo, Copenhagen smokeless tobacco? I think we are all aware that the majority of the NASCAR audience is well…er…interested in the stuff…so I’m betting it would be a very profitable logo, for both you and I. Advisor: (considering this) Jeff Gordon: (rejecting tone) Absolutely not! And blatantly state that I am a tobacco-dipping-stepchild-slapping-house-parking redneck who supports the leading cause of mouth cancer?? To have my car brandish this logo would bring shame to the Gordon household…. (mumbling) we use Red Seal. Advisor: Sorry pal, discard. (Applicant #2 steps over to the discard pile) Jeff Gordon: (looking at advisor) I can’t stand much more of this. Advisor: Just a couple more, we’ve got to find something. Next! Applicant #3: (enters room holding cell phone) Hello, Mr. Gordon. I’m here for T-mobile cell phones. Not only do our mobile phones have great plans…(cut off by Jeff) Jeff Gordon: ‘Scuse me for interrupting…but, are these the phones I see advertised in the commercials?? Applicant #3: Yes, we do have a few out Jeff Gordon: Alright, I’ll tell ya what. I’ll have your logo displayed on my race car, IF you can get Catherine Zeta-Jones in the passenger seat! Applicant #3: Hmm…I think that could be arranged, Mr. Gordon. (shaking hands with Jeff) Jeff Gordon: Pleasure doin’ business with you! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
