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Rocky.....Ray Liotta Adrian.....Tina Fey George Foreman.....Tracy Morgan George's Manager.....Amy Poehler Rocky Jr.....Seth Meyers Paulie.....Darrell Hammond Sico the Robot.....Chris Kattan Ghost of Apollo.....Dean Edwards Ghost of Mickey.....Jimmy Fallon Meat Fan #1.....Horatio Sanz Meat Fan #2.....Jeff Richards Reporter.....Maya Rudolph Referee.....Will Forte Voice-Over Guy.....Chris Parnell Voiceover: Coming soon to theatres. He's beaten the odds five times...and now, America's greatest hero is back for his greatest challenge ever. Don't miss....Rocky VI. [cut to a shot of ROCKY, very middle-aged with a gut on him. He's in a kitchen, looking in the fridge. ADRIAN is at the counter, cutting meat. ROCKY JR. is at the table, playing Game Boy] Rocky: Ay, Adrian, do we have any coldcuts? Adrian: No, Rocky, I'm already cooking your dinner. Why do you have to eat more, Rocky? Why can't you just quit while you're ahead? Rocky, Jr.: I hate you, Dad! [he runs out of the room, crying] Adrian: Here's your steak. I can't watch you do this to yourself. [she runs out of the room, crying] Rocky: She's right. I'm a loser. I'll always be a loser. [takes a bite of his steak] What's the matter with my steak? My steak stinks? THAT'S RIGHT!! IT STINKS!! [SICO the ROBOT enters] Sico: Do you not like your steak, Rocky? Rocky: I just can't do it, Sico. I can't even chew no more. I'm a bum. Sico: Let me warm it up for you, Rocky. [SICO picks up the steak with a mechanial arm and takes it over to the microwave] Rocky: No, Sico, you have to close the door! [Sparks fly as the metal arm is still inside the working microwave, and there is an explosion. SICO mechanically screams.] Rocky: No! Not Sico! Come on, Sico, this isn't over. No! No! [there is a ding. A small door opens in Sico, and the steak emerges. ROCKY is curious, and takes a bite] Rocky: Wait a second...this streak is good. Really good! And the fat has just dripped right off. You're a grill, Sico, a grill! Sico, you didn't die in vain. I'm gonna make you proud of me. You just wait and see. [ADRIAN and ROCKY JR. enter] Adrian: Rocky, what was that explosion? Rocky: That wasn't no explosion. That was our ticket outta here. [cut to a montage set to the tune of the 'Rocky' score. ROCKY is running down a deserted street early in the morning, carrying the Sico Grill. He eventually shows up in front of the U.S. Patent Office, which is just opening. CUT to ROCKY in the kitchen, cracking a dozen eggs into a glass. After taking a look at it, he pours the concoction into the Sico Grill, and cooks the eggs up. CUT to a shot of ROCKY serving sunny-side up eggs to ADRIAN and ROCKY JR at breakfast. CUT to ROCKY doing push-ups with the Sico Grill on his back. The montage ends with ROCKY running up the steps, and jumping up and down, his big gut bouncing in the wind, holding the grill over his head] [CUT to a sold-out arena, with a banner proclaiming the World Grilling Championships. Two meat fans are walking from booth to booth] Meat Fan #1: Want to head over to the Arby's booth? Meat Fan #2: No way, dude. It's time for the big dogs! [he points to an entourage entering the room. It is GEORGE FOREMAN, leading a bunch of people, including his MANAGER, who is carrying his Lean Mean Fighting Machine Grill.] George Foreman: Okay everybody, come and knock out your hunger with the George Foreman Lean Mean Fighting Machine Grill! Tell them the champ sent you! Manager: That'll be $49.95. Cash only, no credit deadbeats here. Reporter: Mr. Foreman, do you think your grill will win the Best Grill championship for the fifth year running? George Foreman: I dunno, young lady, but I do know that it'll knock out the competition! Rocky: [off-stage] Oh yeah? [the crowd gasps, and ROCKY, ADRIAN, ROCKY JR. and PAULIE all enter with the Sico Grill in tow] Meat Fan #2: Rocky Balboa! Meat Fan #1: Didn't he die? Rocky: I didn't die! I was just away for a while. Manager: Rocky Balboa? You washed-up old has-been. Your day is past. There's a new champion in town. Rocky: Oh yeah. Well take a look at this! (holds up the grill) Reporter: Mr. Balboa, where did you find this machine? Rocky: I made it up one night when I eating dinner. The point is, I'm here to challenge the champ. To see what he's got. Reporter: What do you think, Mr. Foreman! George Foreman: I tell you what, the Knockout Grill will knock out this knocked-out old fighter! Knockout! Meat Fan #2: He's taking the challenge! Awesome! Meat Fan #1: Get'em, Rock! [a stage is quickly set up, with ROCKY and GEORGE facing off with their respective grills. A REFEREE enters.] Referee: Okay gentlemen, here are the rules. This will be a 15-patty contest. No biting the meat, no gouging the meat to cook the inside quicker, and let's keep it clean, so wipe your machine afterwards. Do you understand? George Foreman: Knockout! Rocky: Let's do this! [A slo-mo montage follows of ROCKY and GEORGE slapping patties of meat down onto their grills. Both men look alternately pained. SHOTS of ADRIAN, ROCKY JR. and PAULIE all looking concerned. The MANAGER is confident. The MEAT FANS, are high-fiving each other and have taken off their shirts to reveal 'By George!' painted on their chests. GEORGE throws down a piece of meat, sending a splash of grease upwards into ROCKY's face. The grease looks oddly like blood. Finally, both men stagger back to their corners] Paulie: You can do it, Rock. Just one more patty. Rocky: One? I'm seeing three of them out there! Paulie: Then cook the one in the middle! Rocky: I can't do it, Paulie. I can't do it. Adrian: Oh Rocky, if you keep doing this to yourself I'm going to leave you! Rocky, Jr.: I hate you, Dad! (starts crying) [ROCKY starts to hallucinate, and the ghosts of APOLLO CREED and MICKEY GOLDMILL appear on his shoulders] Mickey: You can do it, Rocky! Rocky: Mickey, is that you? Apollo: You can do it, champ. You don't think it's a fight! You think it's a damn show! A trade show, Rocky! The biggest grill trade show in the world! You've got to show your heart, champ! Mickey: Ain't nobody's got more heart than you, kid! Now let's see you use it! Rocky: Yeah, yeah, I can do it! EUNGH! [the bell rings for the 14th and final round. ROCKY jumps up from his corner to resume the fight. The REF tells them to start, and ROCKY and GEORGE simultaneously throw pieces of meat onto their grills. The scene is in slo-mo, showing both men straining under the stress of waiting to see their food cook. Shots of everyone else looking tense. Finally, both patties turn brown at exactly the same time. ROCKY and GEORGE both collapse as soon as the timer dings.] Referee: (after taking a bite) Both patties are equally cooked! For the first time ever at the World Grilling Championships, it's a draw! [The crowd explodes with joy at the spectacle. ROCKY and GEORGE manage to hug] George Foreman: Ain't gonna be no rematch. Rocky: Don't want one. George Foreman: Knockout! [the crowd swarms the stage, as ROCKY looks around] Rocky: Adrian! Adrian! I did it! Yo, Adrian! I did it! Adrian: Rocky! Rocky! [the two meet, and kiss, as ROCKY JR. and PAULIE look on proudly. The MEAT FANS are ecstatic. The scene ends on a freeze-frame of ROCKY looking to the skies with exhausted pride] Voiceover Guy: Rocky VI. Since Sly doesn't want to wash cars forever. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
