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Voice-Over The following has been closed captioned for the hearing impaired. INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY MAN comes up to the EMPLOYEE at the customer service desk with a chainsaw. Closed captioning will be seen at the bottom of the screen as the two talk. Employee Can I help you, sir? CLOSED CAPTION: CAN I HELP YOU, SIR? Man Yes. It's about this chainsaw that I bought a few hours ago. CLOSED CAPTION: YES. IT'S ABOUT THIS CHAINSAW THAT I BOUGHT A FEW HOURS AGO. Employee Well, what's wrong with it? CLOSED CAPTION: WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT? Man Well, after I bought it, I took it home and decided to start using it on a hedge that I have out on the front lawn. CLOSED CAPTION: I MISSED YOU. WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT? Employee And the hedge broke the chainsaw. We can't help you there. CLOSED CAPTION: I WAS AT A BAR WITH SOME OF MY FRIENDS ALL RIGHT! Man No, the hedge didn't break the chainsaw. It was already broken. CLOSED CAPTION: YOU HAVE TIME FOR YOUR FRIENDS BUT NOT FOR ME. Employee The hedge was already broken? CLOSED CAPTION: I'M IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN. Man No. The hedge wasn't broken. The chainsaw was broken. CLOSED CAPTION: IS HE BETTER LOOKING THAN I AM? Employee Well, the manager's not going to like this. CLOSED CAPTION: HE HAS BEAUTIFUL HANDS. Man What? CLOSED CAPTION: BOTTOM? Employee I said the manager's not going to like this. CLOSED CAPTION: HIS BOTTOM IS SUPERB. Man Oh. CLOSED CAPTION: IF HIS BOTTOM IS SO GOOD, I WONDER IF HE'S THE SAME MAN THAT I HAVE ALSO FALLEN IN LOVE WITH. The employee notices the super long caption. Employee Here. Is that your's? CLOSED CAPTION: YOU DON'T THINK. Man What? CLOSED CAPTION: I DO. Employee That caption. CLOSED CAPTION: FEEL MY TUMMY. Man No. It's not mine. CLOSED CAPTION: IT'S VERY RUMBLY. MAN (CONT'D) (looking very closely at the captions) Hey, these captions aren't even what we're saying. CLOSED CAPTION: I LOVE TO EAT TIRES. Employee Well, maybe their French subtitles. CLOSED CAPTION: I'M GLAD MY SCAB IS CLEARING UP. Man No. This is closed captioning. CLOSED CAPTION: I'VE FALLEN OFF THE COUCH. Employee Well, we can't have this. CLOSED CAPTION: LET'S RENT “HOME ALONE 2!” Man Yes. The hearing impaired are just going to have to do without. Start the show over. CLOSED CAPTION: YES. THE HEARING IMPAIRED ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO DO WITHOUT. START THE SHOW OVER. CUT TO: Voice-Over The following is not closed captioned for the hearing impaired. INT. HARDWARE STORE - DAY Very quickly we see the employee accidently cutting the man's arm off with the chainsaw. BLACK OUT. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
