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Announcer.....Chris Parnell SimMat.....Mathew McConaughey SimLinda.....Amy Poehler SimChris.....Chris Kattan SimSusan.....Maya Rudolph Mother.....Rachel Dratch [Scene: Television promo. During Announcer's initial dialogue, various reality-based TV logos flash by and, at the end, The Sims logo is displayed. Then some wacky still shots of The Sims characters are shown onscreen as well as a short animation for the Simsuit.] Announcer: Tired of all those tv shows that call themselves reality television? Well so are we. That's why we created the real deal. The Sims TV show. Based on the hit video game 'The Sims' this TV show allows you to control the actions of a household from your computer. Each member of the household is attached to a Simsuit, a collar with an electronic connection to each of the Sim's spines, that reacts to your votes and your votes alone. Isn't it about time you had control over what you see on the TV screen? [Cut to living room shot with SimMat standing like the cartoon dude on a 'Mens' bathroom sign as he faces the camera.] SimMat: (looking at camera) Hey...hey you people out there...I need to go to the bathroom. C'mon. Toute de suite. [Cut to bathroom shot with SimLinda standing in front of a shower stall.] SimLinda: (unbuttoning top and looking into camera) Look you guys, I don't need another shower! Announcer: Interact with neighbours and friends...who you can also control! [Cut back to living room shot with SimMat] SimMat: Hey Chris...(shot widens to reveal SimChris 'going Mr. Peepers' on SimMat's leg) You think you could stop dry humping my leg there buddy. SimChris: I'd like to...I really would. (grinning stupidly into camera) Hey, at least we're on TV. [Cut to shot of SimSusan and SimLinda in bathroom.] SimSusan: Hi Linda. SimLinda: Hi Susan. [They suddenly grab each other's head and begin making out awkwardly.] SimMat: I'm serious...You guys send me to the bathroom NOW!!! [Wide shot reveals SimChris still humping SimMat's leg while smiling.) Announcer: Who needs lame "reality based" programs when you can control the reality of an entire household. [Cut to a dinner scene with SimMat, SimChris and SimSusan sitting down waiting to be served by SimLinda.] SimLinda: Alright everyone I hope you're hungry cause dinner is served. SimChris: Great, I'm so hungry....wait, what is that...it looks like. [SimLinda serves SimChris and SimSusan.] SimLinda: Yep pubic hair. I picked it fresh this morning...with a pair of tweezers...(into camera) ROT IN HELL! Well, eat up you guys. (serving husband while trying not to breakdown.) Armpit or crotch, dear? [Cut to shot of The Sims Logo] Announcer: Our test audience loved it and I know you will, too. They're the Sims! [Cut back to shot of SimMat standing in middle of living room.] SimMat: (into camera) Please...I can't hold it in much longer (pants develop a wet spot) ...oh great. Thanks a lot. I can't imagine this getting any more disgusting. [SimChris looks down at his own pants and gets embarrassed look on his face all the while still humping SimMat's leg.] [Cut to shot of SimLinda and SimSusan in the shower. Can see only their heads.] SimLinda: (sobbing) I'm not a lesbian! Though I must admit the emotional closeness of the sex was nice. [SimSusan nods and then SimLinda and SimSusan begin making out awkwardly again.] Announcer: That's right, enjoy total control 24/7 through our website and then watch the results every Monday at 9. The ultimate reality show? That's right, it's The Sims. Coming this Spring to FOX. The station willing to set aside morality and the tenets of basic human rights to enterain America! [Cut to shot of teenagers (Horatio and Jimmy might work) sitting in front of tv watching the Sims with a laptop in front of them.] Mother: Alright you two, time for bed. [The teenagers laugh and give the finger to a cheesy shot of SimMat, with his hand in a mousetrap, before running off. Mother smiles a 'oh those crazy kids' smile.] Announcer: The Sims. We hope you'll check it out. (chuckles) And I know SimMat will be hoping you watch as well. [Cut to darkened living room scene. There is enough light to see SimChris asleep on SimMat's leg.] SimMat: Hey...I'm wet and I'm tired and I'm hungry. C'mon. Is anybody even watching... (face closeup, to self) damn my insatiable need for public attention... Announcer: THE SIMS COMING THIS MARCH ON FOX! [Fade out to Mathew McConaughey being all cool and stuff.] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
