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Mother.....Maya Rudolph Little Girl.....child actor Pharmacist.....Amy Poehler Old Man.....Seth Meyers Announcer V.O.....Chris Parnell (Opens up inside of a drug store where a mother and her daughter enter through the front door) Mother: Now listen, mommy's got a headache. I don't want you bothering me about anything. Were just picking up some medicine, then leaving, ok? Little Girl: Ok. (They are walking down an aisle towards the back where the pharmacy is located. The little girl reaches for a candy bar. Mother: (Forcefully) No! Put that back! (The little girl put's it back. They continue on walking) Little Girl: (Excited) Look mommy, a coloring book! Mother: No! I told you already! (The little girl is dissapointed. They continue on to the pharmacy counter, where the pharmacist greets them) Pharmacist: (Smiling) Hello, getting a prescription filled? Mother: (Real nice) No, I'm picking up. I called it in. Pharmacist: For? Mother: Oh, Kay Johnson. Little Girl: Mommy, can I go look at the coloring book? Mother: Honey, don't interrupt mommy when she's talking to an adult. Little Girl: But can I? Mother: No, you just stay here. (To the pharmasist) Is it ready? Pharmacist: It'll be a few minutes yet. Mother: Ok, we'll wait right here. Little Girl: Mommy? Mother: No! You just stay right by my side. It'll only be a few minutes. (The mother picks up a product and begins to read it. The little girl stands beside her looking bored and fidgeting. The mother's cell phone rings and she answers it) Mother: Hello? (Super nice) Oh hi! (Pause) Oh yes, I'll be there. Is everything going all right? Little Girl: Mommy, mommy! (Impatiently tugging at her shirt) Mother: (Covers the receiver with her hand - angrily whispers) Don't interrupt mommy when she's on the phone! Little Girl: But mommy! Mother: I said no! (She turns away from her daughter, and continues on with her conversation) Sorry about that. (The little girl begins to jump up and down while holding her behind) Yes, yes, absolutely. It's for a great cause. (Pause) Oh sure, sure, ok, thanks, bye bye. (She hangs up and puts the phone away. False smile dissapears from her face) Mother: Now what was it that was so important that you had to interrupt mommy on the phone? Little Girl: (Meekly) Nevermind now. (She turns around and begins to walk awkwardly while rubbing her bottom) Mother: (Peeved) Oh, that figures. (The pharmacist walks by) Pharmacist: Just about ready. Mother: (Smiles) Ok. (Suddenly stands very still, the smile dissapears from her face, she sniffs the air, then looks at her daughter who's still walking awkwardly - to daughter) Did you go "gogo"? (Daughter blushes, mother get's embarressed) C'mon, let's go outside! (Hurried, the mother takes her daughter by the hand, leading her rather quickly to the front door. They pass by a skinny old man with thick, black rimmed 50's style glasses. A drop of poo falls out of the little girls shorts. The old man notices it) Old Man: Excuse me miss, I think you dropped something. (Pointing at the poo) (They both turn and look, with mother turning beet red as she realizes what the old man is pointing at. She is dumbfounded for a second, not knowing what to say, when the old man bends down and picks it up. A ghastly look comes to her face. He extends it to them) Old Man: Here you go. (With disgust and embarassment, the mother quickly turns and walks away, forcefully pulling her daughter along, ignoring the old man) Old Man: Miss? (Dumbfounded, he simply watches as they hurriedly walk out the front door. He get's a quizzical look on his face, sniffs the air, feels his behind, then looks at the poo inbetween his finger tips. He slowly brings it up to his nose, then sniffs it. A ghastly look of disgust crosses his face. He flicks it away as if he suddenly realized it was something sinister or evil) (Cut to mother and daughter in the car, both solemn and quiet. They speed out of the parking lot. Mom looks stressed and humiliated - she puts her hand to her forehead and closes her eyes in embarassment, when they stop at a light, that is.) Little Girl: Mommy, somethings stinky. (Anger boils within mother, you can tell in her face, but then quickly sudsides as she realizes it was her fault - no point in being angry at her daughter.) Mother: (Cracks a smile and affectionately rubs her daughters head) Your're stinky. (Little girl giggles) Announcer: (V.O.) Kids - Isn't it about time you paid attention, before it's too late? A message brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
