|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Tito Jackson...Tracy Morgan Martin Bashir...Fred Armisen Announcer...Chris Parnell (OPEN ON A SHOT OF THE "ABC" LOGO) Announcer V/O: You've seen his story on ABC... ("NBC" LOGO) Announcer V/O: You've Heard the rebuttal to his story on NBC... ("FOX" LOGO) Announcer V/O: And you've seen "The version you never saw" on FOX. Now Martin Bashir, the man who brought you the exclusive interview with Michael Jackson, is bringing yet another Blockbuster "Jackson" story to Television in a worldwide exclusive... Martin Bashir: So tell me about your relationship with Michael... (TITO JACKSON IS SEEN WEARING "ECKO" STREETWEAR AND GOLD CHAINS.) Tito Jackson: Yo, that kid is a certified freak who stole my moves! And I have yet to see a cent in royalties from that albino pansy! (MUSIC: BILLIE JEAN) Announcer V/O: It's the interview that nobody's talking about, nor cared to look at. As CBS presents, (SUPER) "Living with Tito Jackson". Listen to his side of the Jackson saga... Tito Jackson: Yeah, you know that whole "Moonwalk" thing he did? That was My Idea! Only I didn't call it the "Moonwalk", I called it "Tito's Slide of Doom!" But I couldn't use it because some local carnival already used it for naming one of their rides. When that freakazoid performed my "Slide of Doom" at the Motown 25th anniversary show, I was Devestated. Thanks to Michael, I'm now the Assistant District Manager of California's "Jack in the Box" Restaurants, It's Horrible! (SHOT OF JACKSON IN A "JACK IN THE BOX UNIFORM" SMILING MORONICALLY.) Announcer V/O: No one wanted to talk to him, but since Tito Jackson himself gave Martin Bashir his entire life savings to do the interview, how could he say no? Watch, as Jackson spills the darkest secrets about his own family... BASHIR: Tell us about the accusations that Michael made about your father Joseph abusing him. Tito Jackson: I'd like to go on record to saying that my father did not beat up Michael. Martin Bashir: He didn't? Tito Jackson: No...He Whipped him with his belt! See, there's a big difference between beating someone with his hands and beating someone with a belt. And believe me, if you had some sort of wussy kid like Michael Jackson, you'd beat him up too. Announcer V/O: Tito Jackson, speaking from the heart... Just so he can get a little attention... Martin Bashir: Tell us about your family, how do they feel knowing that you could have been as big as your Brother? Tito Jackson: It's been rough, man! It's bad enough that I can barely support my wife and my own kids. Do you know how many other children I have? Let's just say I've got enough to create my own 3rd world Country, I'm thinking of either calling it "Titoland" or "Jacksonia". Either way, people will pay to see my children, and they won't be wearing those crazy butterfly masks neither! Announcer V/O: Wow, what a way to end February Sweeps! One Man, A lot of mud to sling. It's (SUPER) "Living with Tito Jackson", This Monday Night on CBS Right Before an all new "Yes, Dear." (WHISPERS) But you don't need to watch that... (FADE OUT) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
