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ABC Executive 1.....Darrell Hammond ABC Executive 2.....Seth Meyers ABC Executive 3.....Tina Fey ABC Executive 4.....Tracy Morgan CBS Executive 1.....Chris Parnell CBS Executive 2.....Queen Latifah CBS Executive 3.....Rachel Dratch CBS Executive 1's Son.....Chris Kattan Michael Jackson.....Amy Poehler FOX Executive 1.....Dean Edwards FOX Executive 2.....Jeff Richards FOX Executive 3.....Will Forte Bobby.....Special Guest Verne Troyer (Shot of building with ABC Logo, camera focuses into an office in the building where 4 executives are sitting at a table) ABC Executive 1: Well, I just got the latest ratings, now that the Bachelorette is off the air CBS is killing us in the ratings. ABC Executive 2: Well what do Americans want? ABC Executive 1: Based on these ratings, Michael Jackson, and reality dating shows. ABC Executive 3: Suppose we combine those two genres? ABC Executive 4: What? ABC Executive 1: No, no I think she's on to something. (one week later) (a man enters his living room and sits down on his couch to watch tv, he picks up the remote and turns the tv on) CBS Executive 1: Time for another night of great CBS progamming! Hey, who was watching ABC? TV Voice: coming this Thursday to ABC from the network that brought you The Michael Jackson Interview and, The Bachelorette comes, The Pedophile! It's must see TV when 20 young boys battles for Jacko's love! This Thursday on ABC! CBS Executive 1: Those Bastards! (shot of building w/ CBS Logo, camera focuses into the building and we see executives at a table) CBS Executive 1: Gentlemen, ladies, we got back Thursday's ratings. ABC's, The Pedophile destroyed Survivor. CBS Executive 2: Dammit now we're all screwed! CBS Executive 3: Not neccesarily. CBS Executive 1: What are you implying? CBS Executive 3: Listen to this advice, if you can't beat them, blatlantly rip them off. CBS Executive 1: I like it! (back to the executive's home, he is sitting down watching tv, we here a kid's voice in the backround) Kid: Dad can we play baseball? CBS Executive 1: not now son our new show's on. Kid: C'mon dad please? CBS Executive 1: I said no! Kid: Please! CBS Executive 1: Shut the hell up you worthless bastard! I don't really love you! (silence) That's better. TV: Next on CBS, it's 16 young boys in the most dangerous place on earth, it's, Survivor: Neverland Ranch! (ONE Week later) (back to ABC Building) ABC Executive 1: Well as you know those bastards at CBS stole our idea. Now we need something that puts this show above the CBS one. ABC Executive 2: Perhaps a surprise twist? ABC Executive 1: Hmmm.. (one week later closeup on tv) Michael Jackson: Bobby last night was great, I want you to be my little lost boy! Bobby: Not so fast Jacko, I'm not a boy, I'm a midget cop. You are under arrest sicko, though I must say last night was great. (zoom out of tv reveals the tv is being watched in an office.) FOX Executive 1: You know these Jacko reality shows are getting real good ratings. When he gets out of jail maybe we should do one here at FOX. FOX Executive 2: No I have a better idea. FOX Executive 3: Will it get high ratings and live up to the FOX image? FOX Executive 2: Oh it will. (one week later) TV: Get the whole family its an hour of Hardcore XXX porn! Next on Fox! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
