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Jason.....Jimmy Fallon Spokesman.....Chris Parnnell Lois.....Amy Poehler [Scene: Standard infomercial type scene. Jason is reading a magazine at some kind of large counter or desk. Spokesman enters.] Spokesman: Hello Jason. What are you reading there? Jason: Why hello sir. I'm just reading the latest issue of Maxim magazine. Spokesman: Say...doesn't that publication feature scantily clad women? Jason: Yeah, if you cover certain parts with your fingers...it looks like they're naked! [Jason illustrates his point to Spokesman by putting both his hands on the magazine to cover up clothed parts.] Spokesman: Sweet. Tell me Jason, what comes to mind when I say National Geographic. Jason: Hmmm...informative and worldly reporting from a source you can trust. Spokesman: And... Jason: Right, I had almost forgotten...naked chicks! Spokesman: That's right. With the success of our National Geographic Swimsuit edition we realized that we were sitting on a gold mine. Jason: I'm not sure I follow. Spokesman: Well Jason, we've gone back in our 115 year history and compiled an exhaustive collection of photos featuring topless third world babes from around the world and we've put them in this. (holding up a magazine.) A one hundred and four page one time special offer we're calling National Geographic Gone Wild! Jason: Wow. Tell me more! Spokesman: Why don't you take a look for yourself. [Spokesman gives Jason the magazine. He opens it and looks at a centerfold totally infatuated.] Spokesman: No need to use your fingers to cover up the clothed parts, is there Jason? Jason: No sir. Spokesman: Which leaves your hands free for...well other things. [Spokesman winks at camera. Enter Lois.] Lois: Hey what's up. (sees magazine) Eww, what are you looking at? Jason: Boobies! Lois: You're sick. Spokesman: Now now. Jason has nothing to be ashamed of. And to show we're not just a bunch of sexist jerks we've also developed a special one hundred and four page version of the magazine for women which we call 'National Geographic Gone Wild...for women...but most probably for gay men'. [Hands Lois the magazine. Lois opens the magazine to centerfold.] Lois: It's...he's carrying it in a wheelbarrow. Spokesman: That's right. Tragic victim of elephantiasis...or every woman's ultimate fantasy? You be the judge. Jason: Okay, I've gotta have this but...man this magazine has to be like a zillion dollars! Spokesman: Sure, it's worth that much but that's not how much we're gonna charge you for it. No, as a matter of fact if you order within the next twenty minutes we'll throw in this video "Third World Girls Gone Wild" at no extra cost. That's right, see chicks so poor they have nothing to take off, in vivid full motion video...at no extra cost to you! Lois: And for the ladies? Spokesman: (unprepared) Ummm...well all you female Lesbians will love our bonus "Third World Girls Gone Wild" video! Lois: (while winking and giving the camera a thumbs up) That's alright with me, I'm a switch hitter! Spokesman: That's great Lois. But you know, we're neglecting another portion of society. Jason: You mean the freaky-deaky fetish freaks? Spokesman: That's right, Jason. And just for them, our bundle offer contains this. (pulling out a magazine) Soiled Soles of the Sahara. When we first met the models for this issue, they had never posed for a picture before. Once we explained what we were doing...well, they couldn't wait to get their feet wet. (winking into camera) And hey, it features lovely Sara from Joe Millionaire as our special correspondent as well as a special feature on the urine drinkers of Newfoundland. So whether you're a man or a woman...or some kind of weirdo, our wonderful magazine offer has something for you. So get up off your couch, go to the phone and order now. National Geographic Gone Wild! It can't be found in stores. [Lois and Jason are both looking at a National Geographic centerfold.] Lois: This is making me so hot! [Lois and Jason begin making out. Spokesman looks into camera, crinkles his eyebrows, smiles and nods his head. Cut to shot of National Geographic Gone Wild products with 1-800-555-PORN phone number.] Spokesman: (offscreen) Don't miss our amazing offer. 115 years of National Geographic T and A can be yours for only $29.95. Our National Geographic TV offer includes: National Geographic Gone Wild, National Geographic Gone Wild for Women but most probably for gay men, our exclusive Third World Girls Gone Wild Video and a special weirdo issue of National Geographic called Soiled Soles of the Sahara featuring Sara. Stop waiting for naked chicks to magically appear on the TV and order now! [Fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
