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Jimmy.....Horatio Sanz Police Chief.....Bernie Mac Phone Guy.....Will Forte Wife.....Amy Poehler Police Sergeant.....Dean Edwards [Scene: Jimmy is at his door paying the pizza boy, who is none other than the Phone Guy.] Phone Guy: That's $19.95. Jimmy: Here's a twenty. Keep the change. Phone Guy: (as Pizza Boy) As usual. Thank you sir. Enjoy. Jimmy: I certainly will. [Jimmy walks over to table and puts pizza down. His cell phone rings.] Jimmy: (confused) Hello? Phone Guy: (heard through phone and can be seen in window in background) Enjoying your pizza Jimmy? Jimmy: What? Who are you? How do you know about the pizza? Phone Guy: (heard through phone and can be seen in window in background) I'm watching you right now Jimmy. [Jimmy turns around and Phone Guy ducks.] Jimmy: What? I think you got the wrong number pal. Phone Guy: (heard through phone. Just barely peeking into window.) I don't think so. I've put a bomb in your pizza box, Jimmy. If you open it...kaboom. If you tell anybody about it...the box is spring loaded and I'll open it using my remote, thereby detonating the bomb. [Jimmy is sitting down in front of pizza. Phone Guy is peeking in through window in the now tighter shot.] Jimmy: Dammit. I picked a bad day to get extra pepperoni. [Jimmy looks at the box and licks his lips. Jimmy goes to open the box.] Phone Guy: (heard through phone and seen in background.) Kaboom, Jimmy! Jimmy: Why? Why are you doing this to me! Phone Guy: (heard through the phone and seen in background) Cause you're a lousy tipper, Jimmy and now you're gonna pay. [Cut to black screen. Super 'Twentieth Century Fox presents'. Cut back to original scene. Wife enters scene with two children. Phone Guy quickly ducks out of sight again. Over phone we hear Phone Guy fall over.] Phone Guy: (heard on phone) Ouch...damn roses. Wife: Hey honey. Why didn't you tell us the pizza was here? Phone Guy: (heard on phone) Don't tell her! Jimmy: Oh hey honey. No reason. Wife: approaching box. Jimmy stops her from opening it. Angrily) Did you eat it all again? Jimmy: Don't be ridiculous. Smell the aroma of the cheeses...the pepperoni beckoning me to partake of its deliciousness. Wife: (Trying to get pizza box away from Jimmy) Dammit, Jimmy! [Phone Guy pops his head up and laughs.] [Cut to black screen. Super 'Another Joel Shumacher film'. Cut back to original scene. The scene is now chaos. There are sirens sounding etc. Wife stands next to Police Chief and Police Sergeant. Police Chief: Come on now sir. Your kids are hungry...your wife is hungry. Come on now. Open the box and let's all have a slice. [Jimmy shakes his head furiously.] Police Sergeant: (to wife) Who's he on the phone with? Wife: (rolling her eyes) Probably his mother. Police Chief: (yelling and pulling his gun out.) Come on now. We got a lot of hungry people here! Open the box! [Jimmy jumps up and covers the box with his body and starts crying hysterically. Cut to black screen and super 'No Pepperoni Pizza'. Cut back to original scene, closeup on Jimmy lying on top of pizza.] Phone Guy: (heard through phone during closeup of Jimmy covering pizza) Good work Jimmy. Ha ha ha... (suddenly the sound of a dog barking is heard followed by growling.) What the? No...ahhhhh! [Cut to shot of full scene. Music plays. Police Chief and Police Sergeant are talking together. Wife is standing with arms crossed looking at Jimmy. Jimmy is still laying on the pizza crying. In window we see Phone Guy being mauled be a neighborhood dog. Focus goes to Police Chief and Police Sergeant talking.] Police Chief: (to Police Sergeant) Damn...this is Louie Anderson's New Year's Eve Party all over again. [Super 'The Pizza'. Super 'Coming Soon'.] [Fade Out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
