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Guy on toilet.....Fred Armisen Police Chief.....Bernie Mac Phone Guy.....Will Forte Police Sergeant.....Dean Edwards [Scene: A washroom. Two stalls are visible. Each one is occupied as the feet under the doors suggest. Guy on toilet's dialogue is heard but only his feet are ever visible. Same with Phone Guy unless otherwise noted.] Guy on toilet: Well, that's that then. I feel so much better now... [Cell phone rings.] Guy on toilet: What? When it rang at the movies I couldn't believe it. Ha ha. Hello? Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) Don't even think about leaving that stall. Guy on toilet: What? How did you get this number? Who is this? Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) All that matters is that you're stuck on the toilet and if you flush it...it will explode. If you get up off the seat... I will flush the toilet with my remote and detonate the bomb myself. Guy on toilet: Cool, this is sort of like Lethal Weapon 2! Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) Yeah fine, that's where I got the idea. Guy on toilet: Hmmm...I'm not sure I believe you. Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) Why would I lie about getting the idea from Lethal Weapon 2? Guy on toilet: No, I mean about the bomb. Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) Believe it. (We see Phone Guy's head come into view in the rightmost stall, looking under and into the stall with Guy on toilet.) As a matter of fact I'm watching you now. (lifting his head out of view) Could you stop picking your nose. Guy on toilet: Sorry about that. [Cut to dark screen with "Twentieth Century Fox Presents" with some music playing. Cut to wider shot of bathroom where we see someone enter the bathroom. Cut back to tighter shot of stalls.] Phone Guy: (heard through phone effect) Don't tell anyone about what's going on either. Guy on toilet: Fine. Oh man, some say you can't smell your own but...ugg! I wish I hadn't had the broccoli and bean salad. [Cut to dark screen with "Another Joel Shumacher film". Cut to wider shot of bathroom with Police Chief and Police Sergeant standing in front of stalls. A whole line of people are waiting beside them.] Police Chief: Look sir...you alright in there? I mean you've been in there quite a long time. There are other people who need to use the facilities. Do you have diarrhea, sir? By the smell of things you certainly aren't constipated. [Cut to forward shot of stalls.] Phone Guy: Don't answer him. Guy on toilet: (sobbing) Why are you doing this to me? Phone Guy: Because...you once used a stall to pee and then left the seat up. The next guy who used that toilet ended up sitting in the toilet instead of on it! The urinals out there aren't just for atmosphere! [Cut to black screen and super 'No Flushing'. Cut to wider shot of washroom.] Police Chief: Could you at least flush the toilet sir. It's starting to get really rank...even out in the hall, man. Guy on toilet: Thank you officer I'm fine. Police Chief: (Pulling out gun.) That's it sir. I'm coming in to flush that toilet if you don't! [Guy on toilet begins crying. Music plays.] Police Chief: Yeah, whatever. If you don't flush that toilet I'm gonna give you something to cry about. (to Police Sergeant) Go get the tear gas. [Super 'The Stall'. Super 'Coming Soon'.] [Fade Out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
