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Co-host.....Rachel Dratch Co-host.....Fred Armisen Newsdesk Reporter.....Chris Parnell Weatherman.....Horatio Sanz Peter Arnett.....Jeff Richards Geraldo Rivera.....Chris Kattan Will Forte.....Marine SCENE BEGINS WITH IRAQI TV PROMO V/O: You are watching Iraqi TV. Allah be praised for sattelite television. It is 8 am, and time for Good Morning Iraq. VIDEO TAPE ROLLS OF WAR FOOTAGE Fred V/O: Coalition forces continue their advance in Iraq. The Republican Guard stands fast around the city of Baghdad to stop them. The blood of the infadels will surely run down the streets this Sunday, April 7, 2003 SUPER "APRIL 7, 2003" SWITCH TO OUTSIDE GLASS WINDOW SHOT LIKE ON THE TODAY SHOW SUPER "GOOD MORNING IRAQ" IN THE CORNER TENSE MUSIC V/O: Live, From Baghdad, this is Good Morning Iraq with your hosts Ahmad Abdul-Rauf and Mrs. Ahmad Abdul-Rauf. SHOT PANS IN AND SWITCHES TO INTERIOR SHOT OF THE STUDIO THE HOSTS WALK ON CAMERA TO WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE SHOW WITH BOTH IN TRADITIONAL DRESS Ahmad: Good morning everyone! JET ENGINES ROAR OVER STUDIO AS A LARGE EXPLOSION SHAKES THE CAMERA AND STUDIO AS MR AND MRS ABDUL-RAUF DUCK AND COVER MR AND MRS ABDUL RAUF THEN PICK THEMSELVES FROM OFF THE FLOOR Ahmad: (shaken) Ah-ha. Yes. Once again good morning and welcome to our show. As always my co-host is my beautiful wife Mrs. Abdul-Rauf. You look great today as always. Is that a new burka your wearing dear? Mrs. Abdul Rauf: Yes it... Ahmad: (interrupting) Shut-up! You talk too much! Shut-up! I will tell you when you can speak! (pause) Now you can speak. Mrs Abdul-Rauf: It is. Abdul: I'm sorry everyone. My wife is little bit talkative. Once she starts, she just won't stop. We have a great show today, formerly of MSNBC, Peter Arnett will stop by to talk about the war, but first lets get a news check with Iraqi newsanchor Pervez Al-Huwayeh. Good morning, Pervez CUT TO PERVEZ AT THE NEWSDESK Pervez: Good morning. In the latest headlines, Iraq forces still continue to make "strategic" losses in territory to coalition forces. Iraqi commanders say that giving up ground to coalition forces to spread them too thin to attack Baghdad. In exclusive news, Iraqi TV has obtained new message of a Saddam Hussein statement to the people, which we would like to play for you now. PERVEZ PICKS UP A PICTURE OF SADDAM WITH A HOLE CUT OUT WHERE THE MOUTH SHOULD BE PERVEE STICKS HIS OWN LIPS THROUGH THE HOLE AND SPEAKS Pervee: (as Saddam) Keep up the good fight! PERVEE PUTS THE PICTURE AWAY (as himself) The time is now 8:07 and its time for your weather cast with Skip Aziz. Good morning Skip. CUT TO SKIP AZIZ STANDING IN FRONT OF A WEATHER MAP Skip: (fruity) Good morning everyone. Lets take a look at the map. SKIP BEGINS TO PLACE MAGNETS ON THE MAP Skip: We have a low pressure front blowing in from the devil west bringing us more chances of sandstorms later on in the week. This combined with the burning buildings and oil fires, it is just not a good day for asthmatics to be out and about today. Go ahead and stay inside. Lets take a look at the five day. As always highs in the upper 90's with no chance of rain. JETS FLY OVER THE STUDIO AGAIN EXPLOSION IS HEARD AS CAMERA AND STUDIO SHAKES AGAIN KNOCKING SKIP TO THE FLOOR SCREAMING Skip: (fruitily)-AHHHHHHHHHH! THE SHOCK KNOCKS ALL THE MAGNETS OFF OF THE WEATHER MAP SKIP PICKS HIMSELF FROM OFF THE FLOOR SKIP HAS WET HIS PANTS Skip: (shaken) And now let's take a look at your neck of the woods. WEATHER MAP OF THE UNITED STATES IS SHOWN WITH DEVIL HORNS STICKING OUT OF THE STATES OF WASHINGTON AND MAINE HIGH TEMPERATURES SHOWN FOR ALL MAJOR CITIES Skip: And now back to Ahmed and Mrs. Abdul-Rauf in the studio. CUT BACK TO STUDIO MR AND MRS ABDUL-RAUF ARE NOW SITTING ON CHAIRS AHMED DRINKS HIS MORNING COFFEE Ahmed: Thank you Skip. Lets get today's show started. Our first guest was a reporter for MSNBC...until he did an interview with Iraqi TV this week that is. Please welcome Peter Arnett. PETER ARNETT JOINS THE SHOW Ahmed: Good morning, Peter. Peter Arnett: (with accent) Good morning Ahmed and you to Mrs. Abdul-Rauf. Mrs. Abdul Rauf: Thank... Ahmed: (interrupting and scolding) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! AHMED RAISES HIS HAND AS IF HE IS GOING TO HIT HIS WIFE AND THEN GESTURES TO MRS RAUF TO ANSWER PETER Mrs Abdul-Rauf: Thank you. Ahmed: Now Peter let's talk about what's happened to you during the past week. You did an exclusive interview with Iraqi TV and then were immediately fired by MSNBC. Why do you think that occured? Peter Arnett: I was fired from my job with MSNBC because I told Iraqi TV in my interview that the coalition forces underestimated Iraqi resistance. Ahmed: I don't understand why that would cost you your job. Every one knows that Iraqis are fierce fighters. Its not like the coalition thinks it is fighting France are they? JET ENGINES SCREAM AGAIN OVER THE STUDIO EXPLOSIONS ROCK THE CAMERA AND THE STUDIO ALL THREE ON CAMERA DO THEIR BEST STAR TREK BRIDGE SHAKE Ahmed: Do you have anything to say to your former employers? Peter Arnett: No, I honestly don't. I am now on a severance package with MSNBC. Anyway, anything I say would still become intellectual property of NBC. Mrs. Abdul-Rauf: (speaking up) Oh, like BJ and the Bear. AHMED GIVES THE DIRTY LOOK TO HIS WIFE Ahmed: So Peter, what are your future plans? Peter Arnett: I most likely stay in Baghdad for the time being and see how the war comes out. After the war, I will try to open up a chain of Bennetton stores here in Baghdad. I may as well make some money of this war. Everyone else will. Ahmed: Great news. Thanks for joining us today. AHMED GOES TO SHAKE PETERS HAND AS ANOTHER EXPLOSION ROCKS THE STUDIO THE GLASS BEHIND AHMED SHATTERS GERALDO RIVERA AND A TROOP OF MARINES CLIMB DOWN ROPES ATTACHED FROM THE TOP OF THE BUILDING, AND ENTERING THE BUILDING AND SECURING IT Geraldo Rivera: (into hand held camera) Me and my personal commando brigade have penetrated Iraqi TV. We are now taking over their broadcast in order to bring FOX News to the starved masses of Iraq. Fox News-Fair and Balanced! Peter Arnett: Geraldo Rivera? I thought you were asked to leave Iraq. Geraldo Rivera: You thought wrong, Arnett. GERALDO PUNCHES ARNETT IN THE FACE AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE FLOOR TROOPS SURROUND MR AND MRS ABDUL RAUF Geraldo Rivera: Now as for you two, tell us what you know. Ahmed: We don't know anything. GERALDO PUNCHES AHMED IN THE STOMACH Geraldo Rivera: Wrong answer, buddy. Tell us what you know. Ahmed: Don't tell them anything, honey. Geraldo Rivera: Oh, so she's the brains of the operation. Tell me what you know honey and I'll let you play with my microphone if you get my drift. Ahmed: Don't do it. MRS ABDUL RAUF WHISPERS HER INFORMATION TO GERALDO Marine: What did she say, sir? Geraldo Rivera: She said she doesn't know anything except that it's...Live from New York it's Saturday Night! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
