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Saul.....Bernie Mac Sammy.....Tracy Morgan Thor.....Will Forte Medusa.....Amy Poehler Hermes.....Seth Meyers Dracula.....Fred Armisen [ show title card ] V/O: We now return to "Saul the Immortal: Mythological Barber" [ open on interior of barber shop, with Thor paying Saul for his haircut. Sammy, in his 60's, is sitting with a newspaper on the side ] Thor: [ raising hammer ] By my mighty hammer, this will be the most formidable haircut in ALL of Asgard! [ engages his hammer with a stare, and slowly lowers it. He makes a mock strike with his hammer, spinning around and sending his long golden hair sweeping through the air ] Saul: And here's that conditioner you wanted. [ places a bottle on the counter ] Thor: The valkyries will claw at each other to be the first to have a chance with me and my radiant locks! I reward you handsomely, Saul the Immortal! [ gives Saul a handful of money, grabs the conditioner, holds it aloft like a sacrifice, and then storms out the door ] Sammy: [ good naturedly, to Thor as he exits ] Keep out of houses that belong to bears, Goldilocks! Saul: [ with a wry smile as he cleans up around the chair with a broom ] Bet we'll be hearing a bit of thunder tonight. Sammy: [ from behind the paper ] I dunno, man. Paper says clear skies tonight, and the weather report is written by the Oracle. Saul: [ conceding ] Yeah, poor guy. Thor's got a good heart, but he tries a little too hard sometimes. [ Medusa, wearing a long white robe and a large hat covering her hair walks in, and immediately drops the shades in the windows ] Medusa: Can't have anyone accidentally looking in. [ gives a tired smile ] I've heard some good things about Saul the Immortal, people say he's a good barber. The best, actually. There's no challenge he can't handle [ pause ] or so they say. Are you this man? Saul: I dunno, lemme check. Hey, Sammy! Who's this Saul the Immortal guy? Sammy: Hey, man, that's you! Even your sign says so! Saul: Must be me then. What can I do for you? Medusa: I have a rather … unusual … hair problem. Saul: Have a seat. [ offers chair ] What didja say your name was? Medusa: Medusa [ removes hat to reveal a head of rubber snakes, which twitch back and forth ] Saul: Now this is something. What kind of shampoo you using? Medusa: Well, I've been trying everything. I settled on Head and Shoulders when I found it kept them from molting. Saul: [ nodding ] I hadn't thought about that [ grabs a comb and attempts to comb the snakes, which just continue to twitch around ] Medusa: It was horrible. You have no idea what it's like to wake up and find a pile of dried snakeskin on your pillow. They smell pretty bad too. [ brief pause ] Huh, you should have turned to stone by now. Saul: At this? Nah. [ proudly ] I didn't get to be Saul the Immortal for nothing. [ Sammy starts to lower his paper for a peek ] Sammy, don't be a fool, keep that paper up. Sammy: Saul, come on, you know me better than that. Saul: [ to Medusa again ] Not much gets to me. For example, [ puts the comb down and picks up some scissors ] those sirens come in all the time, they figure they can just start singing the Eurhythmics and I'll just let them walk out without paying for a haircut. Whataya gonna do? [ shrugs ] So you got someone special? Medusa: No… it's a bit difficult, you know, the whole snake thing. Most men don't really appreciate turning to stone… They think I'm ugly. Saul: I gotta say, you're a fine woman, beneath the snakes. You ever tried just getting it all shaved off? Lots of the Egyptians are doing it. Horus, Isis, Anubis… Sammy: I told Horus he looks like a… Saul: Sammy, just read that paper. Sammy: Fine, but ya know it was funny. Medusa: You know, I'm ready for a change. I'll try it. [ Saul pulls out clippers. Camera is on Sammy as "Five minutes later" appears on the screen. Pull back over to Saul and Medusa, who now has a completely shaved head. ] Medusa: Wow, that's incredible. I feel like a whole new woman. Sammy: Yo, Saul, who'd you pick for the game tonight? Saul: I got Crete over Ithaca, and Giza over Delphi. Sammy: I dunno, man. You better hope Crete's running back, the Minotaur, is back tonight. He missed practice yesterday. Says here he's still lost in the labyrinth, and may not make it out by game time. Saul: Crying shame what some of these kids are doing. He's got talent, man, he can't go wasting it. [ Hermes walks in, carrying a package ] Hermes: Hey, Saul, it's the new combs you ordered. You gotta sign for this. Sammy: He's busy, man, give it here. [ Hermes puts the package down and holds out his pad for Sammy to sign. Saul assists Medusa out of the chair, a bunch of snake heads are visible on the floor ] Hermes: [ to Medusa ] Hey, you look familiar. Have I seen you before? Medusa: I've … been around… here, there… Hermes: You look great. I'm Hermes, messenger of the gods. I'm off work in about an hour, want to meet at Hub's Gyros for something? Medusa: Yeah, I think I'd like that. [ show title card again ] V/O: Tune in next week, for another great episode of Saul the Immortal: Mythological Barber. [ cut to show Dracula sitting in the chair, with Saul behind him ] Saul: How's that look to you? [ cut to show mirror, which only reflects Saul, cut back to Dracula ] Dracula: [ baffled ] Zit's ummm… vat do you call… uh… [ unconvincingly ] verdy good… yeah [ with more conviction, cut back to mirror ] yeah. [ cut back to title card ] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
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