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Spokes-singer...Jimmy Fallon Man...Chris Kattan Man's Boss...Darrell Hammond Announcer...Chris Parnell (OPEN ON A MAN'S BEDROOM IN THE MORNING, HIS ALARM GOES OFF. A SINGER--WITH A "SPRINGSTEEN" STYLE VOICE--SINGS ALA "FOLDGERS" COFFEE COMMERCIALS THROUGHOUT.) Spokes-singer: (V/O) You wake up every day, and no matter what they say/ you're going to do the best job you can do. (MAN SEEN GETTING READY FOR WORK) Spokes-singer: (CONT.) ...So you grab a cup of "Joe", before you gotta go/ And face off with a world that has been cruel to youuuuuuu! (IN A DIFFERENT KEY. MAN NOW SEEN WORKING IN HIS OFFICE CUBICLE) Spokes-singer: (CONT.) Now you're doing work, you're treated like a jerk (MULTIPLE PAPER WADS THROWN AT MAN)/ You're being paid less than slave wage to do a simple job. (MAN'S PHONE RINGS, MAN PICKS UP, AFTERWARDS HE'S HOLDING HIS HEAD IN DISTRESS.) You're called down by your boss, you'd think you're at a loss/ (EYES A COFFEE POT) You think it's the day that he'll finally cut you looooooooose! (IN A DIFFERENT KEY. MAN IS NOW WALKING TOWARDS HIS BOSS' OFFICE WHILE HOLDING A NOTICABLE POT OF SCALDING HOT COFFEE STICKING OUT FROM BEHIND HIS BACK.) Spokes-singer: (CONT.) Your mission's very clear, you've waited 16 years/ To get back at your boss in some sadistic way... (MAN ENTERS BOSS' OFFICE) Boss: (INSTRUMENTAL OF THE JINGLE PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.) Ah, Just the man I wanted to see! Listen, I've got some bad news for you, we've got to make room for more fresher-faced people in this business, and since you're one of the Senior Members of this company, let me be the first to tell you that you're fired, Have a nice day! (BOSS HAS A CHEERY DEPOSITION ON HIS FACE, WHILE THE "MAN" HAS A LOOK OF SHOCK ON HIS.) (IN A DIFFERENT KEY) Spokes-singer: (V/O) Your Boss just dropped the bomb, you know what's in your palm...(SPOKEN) Of Your Hand, that is. (SINGING) It's time to give that guy exactly what he deserveeeeeeeeees! (CUT TO A SHOT OF THE BOSS' DOOR, WHERE A SPLASH, A LOUD YELL AND A THUD CAN BE HEARD. MAN IS NOW SEEN RUNNING OUT OF THE BOSS' OFFICE IN PANIC.) Spokes-singer: (V/O) Now you're on the run, And wasn't that just fun?/ You've got nowhere to go but your comfy home, sweet home. There's one thing left to do, now that you've been screwed/ (MAN GOES INTO A LIQUOR CABINET AND PULLS OUT A BOTTLE OF BOOZE MARKED "SCREWEDYA'S. MAN STARTS CHUGGING, MAN STARTS TO SOB AFTERWARDS.) You want to forget this day forever morrrrrrrrrre! The best part of Blacking out, is drinking away your Doubts./Oh, the Best part of Blacking out, is drinking away...(SOFTLY) Your douuuuubts. Announcer: (SUPER) "Screwdya's" Malt Liquor: "For times when you just want to crawl into a hole and die!" (FADE OUT) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
