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Dr. Marcus.....Horatio Sanz Dr. Leonard.....Ray Romano Enrique.....Jimmy Fallon [Scene: External still photo of a science type facility. Super: Superconducting Super Collider Facilities Bristol, Indiana. Cut to internal shot of Dr. Marcus and Dr. Leonard in front of a Star Trek type operating station or console.] Dr. Marcus: Well I guess it's time to make the Bosons. Dr. Leonard: Yeah, there's nothing like smashing particles together to see what you can discover. [Dr. Marcus agrees but hangs his head pensively.] Dr. Marcus: Actually you know, this kind of blows. Smashing protons and anti-protons? C'mon. Oh look another pion, just what the world needed! Dr. Leonard: Hey, yeah. You'd think smashing things together would be cooler than this. Dr. Marcus: I mean, we went to school for 10 years to spend our days doing this? At the time the guy was all "Yeah, we have these huge rings and inside these rings we spin particles in different directions at fantastic rates and then WAMM make them collide to see what happens." That had me so psyched. Dr. Leonard: Oh I hear you. I hear you. The first time I saw this thing in action I was thinking "What? That's it?" You can't even see the damn particles! It's like sitting in the back row of a Britney Spears concert. Dr. Marcus: Absolutely. And where are all the awesome crashing sounds? (pause) I don't know what line of longitude we're at but I sure know this place is along the line of 100% wackitude. Dr. Leonard: Hey, my ears are open to the song you're singing man. Dr. Marcus: Well the song I'm singing is... (Singin' Beatles "Revolution") "If you're talkin' about destruction, then you know that you can count me out....in...out...IN!" Dr. Leonard: What are you talking about? Dr. Marcus: Well I got to thinking...you remember that old commercial for Reese's Peanut Butter cups? Dr. Leonard: The one with the "Hey you...you got your chocolate in my peanut butter!"? Dr. Marcus: Yeah...I wonder what would happen if... (taking tub of peanut butter from inside a compartment in the console) My peanut butter super collided with... Dr. Leonard: (eyes open wide. Pulls chocolate bar out of inside pocket in lab coat.) My chocolate! [A happy kid's show type of song begins to play and continues to play until otherwise noted. Dr. Marcus and Dr. Leonard walk to the doors of the super collider and throw in the peanut butter and the chocolate. The doors will look like sliding doors adjacent to the Star Trek like console. They close the doors, walk over to the console and put on a pair of goggles. Dr. Marcus gives Dr. Leonard a thumbs up. Dr. Leonard presses a button and moments later a light flashes. The pair watch a screen in place above the console area which is obscured from camera view. They seemed impressed by what they see. The pair remove their goggles and walk to the door. They look ecstatic. The pair reach down into the area inside the doors, out of view, and then return to view with their hands covered in a gooey mess. They look at each other and laugh like happy kids and start licking their fingers. Dr. Leonard raises his gooey finger up in the air as though to signal Dr. Marcus that he has come up with an ingenious idea. ] [ Cut to external shot of lab again to both suggest passage of time and to allow performers to get cleaned up. Cut to shot of Dr. Leonard and Dr. Marcus standing in front of open super collider doors, Dr. Leonard holding a pair of scissors and Dr. Marcus holding a rock. They throw the items into the super collider and then close the door. They quickly go through the procedure of goggles, thumbs up, press button, flash, googles off. The two walk to the doors and open them. Dr. Leonard reaches down, out of view, and returns to view with a smashed pair of scissors in one hand and a rock in the other. Dr. Leonard looks on in awe and nods his head, while Dr. Marcus seems blown away, as though both are thinking "Wow, it's true. Rock really does break scissors." Perhaps add in hand motions to further illustrate this. ] [ Cut to external shot of lab again. Super 4 hours later. We see Dr. Leonard holding a little kitty cat and Dr. Marcus holding a large concrete block. The items are placed into the super collider. They close the doors, put on their goggles and look at the screen above them. Dr. Marcus gives Dr. Leonard the thumbs up and he presses a button and moments later a light flashes. They wince at what they see on the screen. The duo walk to the supercollider doors and Dr. Marcus attempts to open them. Dr. Leonard grabs his arm and shakes his head. ] [ Cut to external shot of the lab. Super 4 hours later. Stop the music. Cut to inside of lab. Dr. Marcus holds a clipboard as he stands next to Dr. Leonard.] Dr. Marcus: Well, out of all of them I'd say that supercolliding the watermelons was my favorite.. Though the shopping cart full of whipped cream hitting the shopping cart filled with mozzarella was a close second. Dr. Leonard: Yeah, though I thought when we collided the John Tesh and Kenny G CDs they never sounded better. Dr. Marcus: Yeah, talk about your Jazz Fusion! [Dr. Marcus puts his hand up hoping to recieve a high five. Dr. Leonard winces a bit as though to indicate the joke wasn't funny enough to deserve a high five. Dr. Leonard looks down at his watch.] Dr. Leonard: Oh man, it's almost time to go. We better hurry. (walks over to a side door and opens it. Calling out into the hall.) Enrique! Enrique come over here. [Enrique enters along with a mop and bucket.] Enrique: Yeah, what does the Geek Squad need now? Dr. Leonard: Well...we had some extremely messy particles today and we kinda need you to go in and clean up the inside of the super collider. Enrique: No problem. Out of my way dorks. [Enrique opens the door and is aghast. A kitten, the one from the previous experiment, covered in PETA approved "concrete dust" walks out of supercollider. Scientists look surprised at seeing the kitty. It was a toughass kitty!] Enrique: What in the heck did you nerds do? There's crap all over the place in here. It's gonna take me 3 hours of overtime to clean this up. [The Scientists share a laugh at Enrique's expense. Enrique walks over to the two scientists and grabs each one by the pectorals and twists. Scientists recoil in pain.] Enrique: [pointing at the two.] Next time, it's snake bites until you cry. [Enrique enters the supercollider with his mop and bucket and shuts the doors in an angry fashion.] Dr. Marcus: Man, that jerk's been picking on us since grade school. Dr. Leonard: Yeah. (a beat) So is the elephant in place? Dr. Marcus: (putting on goggles) You bet, it wouldn't fit through this door so I loaded it into the double wide doors in the back. [Scientists take their position in front of the Star Trek type console.] Dr. Leonard: Well Mr. Enrique Escobar, looks like it's finally payback time. [Dr. Marcus gives the thumbs up and Dr. Leonard presses the button. They watch the screen above.] Dr. Leonard: Oh oh...looks like the elephant got stuck. Dr. Marcus: Look at that showoff Enrique...he's acting like he's Superman in there! [Cut to shot of Enrique flying through super collider.] Enrique: Working in this social reject factory has finally paid off. I've got superpowers! [Cut back to scientists in lab.] Dr. Leonard: Alright...steady, he's coming up to the elephant. Dr. Marcus: No wait this isn't right...turn it off. Dr. Leonard: (Pressing a button) It's too late he's still gonna hit it... [An odd sound like ketchup coming out of a bottle is heard and then a loud elephant trumpet which causes scene to shake. The scientist's examine the screen above them.] Dr. Leonard: Well...at least he hit the soft side. Dr. Marcus: Yeah, I think he's okay. I can see his legs moving. Dr. Leonard: Even if he was moving other stuff you wouldn't be able to see it. Dr. Marcus: Maybe we should go help him out. Dr. Leonard: I don't know. He's gonna be pretty mad. Dr. Marcus: You're right. He'll find his own way. It's not like he has much choice as which way to go. [The two scientists nod their heads unable to look away from the screen.] Dr. Marcus: (turning to Dr. Leonard.) Well, I'd rate my job satisfaction as a 10 today how about you? Dr. Leonard: There is one more thing I wanted to try though. Dr. Marcus: What man? We did pretty much everything. Dr. Leonard: How about what happens when you smash together a pound of ham and a foot long piece of rye bread? Dr. Marcus: Sweet idea..but how? The elephant isn't coming out of there anytime soon and Enrique will soon be free to kick our butts...ooooooooh I get you. Dr. Leonard: You know what I'm talking about. [The scientist take off their white science robes to reveal that Dr. Leonard is wearing an original Star Wars t-shirt and that Dr. Marcus is wearing a Duke Nukem t-shirt. Just for atmosphere.] Dr. Marcus: (arm held up and pointing upwards) To Subway! [They high five each other and then walk out.] [fade out] Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
