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George Bush.....Chris Parnell Condoleeza Rice.....Maya Rudolph THE SCENE BEGINS WITH AN EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE WHITE HOUSE THE SHOT PANS IN AND CHANGES TO AN INTERIOR SHOT OF THE OVAL OFFICE CONDOLEZZA RICE IS SEEN TALKING ON THE PHONE TO SECRET SERVICE Condoleeza Rice: (on the phone) The president's helicopter has just landed? Good. Tell the president I am waiting in the Oval Office as he requested. Thank you.(hangs up) CONDOLEZZA PACES AROUND THE OFFICE UNTIL GEORGE BUSH WALKS THROUGH THE OVAL OFFICE DOOR GEORGE IS WEARING HIS "TOP GUN" JACKET, SUNGLASSES AND CARRYING A DUFFLE BAG, HE HAS A SONY WALKMAN STRAPPED TO HIS HEAD GEORGE ENTERS THE ROOM SINGING HIS NEW FAVORITE SONG President George W. Bush: (singing and pumping his fists)- I..WENT..TO..THE...DANGER ZONE! GONNA TAKE IT RIGHT..INTO..THE...DANGER ZONE! I..WENT..TO..THE...DANGER ZONE! RIGHT..INTO..THE DANGER ZONE! Condoleeza Rice: Welcome back, sir. Did you have fun aboard the Lincoln? President George W. Bush: (taking off headphones and whipping off his sunglasses)-YOU BETCHA CONDEE! I LANDED THAT PLANE ALL BY MYSELF! I tell you what Condee, It was so exciting to be on the deck of that carrier it literally (singing) TOOK..MY..BREATH...AWAY! Condoleeza Rice: Yes sir, I bet it was exciting. Can I have my "Top Gun" soundtrack CD back now? President George W. Bush: (dropping his duffle-and handing the CD back to Condee) Oh sure, here you go. Hey Condee, did you remember to tape my wrasslin'? Condoleeza Rice: Yes sir, it's all on your TIVO. I pushed the special wrasslin' button you had installed on it myself. President George W. Bush: Good girl. I just gots to know what happened to Stone Cold this week. Turn it on. CONDEE TURNS ON THE TV AND PRESSES PLAY ON THE TIVO REMOTE INSTEAD OF THE WWE UP COMES VIDEO OF THE FIRST DEMOCRATIC ADDRESS FROM SOUTH CAROLINA President George W. Bush: What the hell is this? This ain't RAW IS WAR! Condoleeza Rice: It seems to be the first democratic debate from South Carolina. President George W. Bush: Dammit, woman. You pushed the wrong button! Condoleeza Rice: I pushed the green one. President George W. Bush: NO CONDEE! The red button is for taping wrasslin' and the green one is for taping politickin' stuff. Condoleeza Rice: I'm sorry sir. President George W. Bush: (watching the tv)-So what the hell am I looking at? Condoleeza Rice: Sir, your looking at democratic nominees for president in 2004. One of these people will be running against you next year. President George W. Bush: They're actually going to run someone against me? Condoleeza Rice: Afraid so, sir. President George W. Bush: Okay, so refresh my memory on these boys. I'm still a little sea sick. Condoleeza Rice: (pointing)-Well there's Bob Graham, and he's a Senator from Florida... President George W. Bush: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Just tell me the nominees that might come within five points of carrying their home states. That's all I need to know. Condoleeza Rice: (pointing at the TV) Well there's Dick Gephardt of Missouri. President George W. Bush: Cap'n Flip-Flop, got it. Condoleeza Rice: And there's Joesph Lieberman, the senator from Conneticut. President George W. Bush: The jewish Keebler Elf. Next. Condoleeza Rice: John Kerry, he's the senator from Massachusettes. President George W. Bush: Oh yeah, I think he was an old war buddy of mine. Condoleeza Rice: You didn't go to Vietnam sir. President George W. Bush: He went to 'Nam? Then why isn't his name up on that black granite wall in the park? Condoleeza Rice: (covering her eyes) Never mind. Listen I'm sorry about the wrasslin' thing. President George W. Bush: That's okay. Did you remember to tape Hardball on Saturday Night? Condoleeza Rice: Hardball wasn't on last Saturday Night. President George W. Bush: It wasn't? Well I can tell you what's on now. Condoleeza Rice: What's that. President George W. Bush: Live from New York, it's Saturday Night! Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
