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...Adrien Brody Sharon Osborne...Amy Poehler Ozzy Osborne...Horatio Sanz Kelly Osborne...Rachel Dratch (fade in) Adrien Brody: And now with a special message is the Osborne family! (Adrien walks off stage) Sharon: Hello, I’m Sharon Osborne. This is my husband, OZZZZY! And my daughter Kelly. We wanted to speak out tonight, to our son, Jack. Jack checked into rehab last week and we wanted to wish him luck. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, and Jack, you are giving your mother the best Mother’s Day present a mother could get, you are getting clean...no more booze! Ozzy: Jack, we want to sing a song for you. Kelly: It’s one of daddy’s old diddies. Sharon: Hit it, Lenny! (Singing to the tune of Ozzy Osborne’s “Mama, I’m Coming Home”) Kelly: Your life has changed, and our family’s strange, Here we come, singing something lame, Sharon: Jack, please come home. Ozzy: You smoke you’re weed, You could have given some to me, Sharon: Jack, please come home. (SNL Band continues to play on, The Osbornes start to banter) Kelly: Daddy, I need a new record contract. Epic dropped me! Ozzy: What, what the hell are you saying? (Mumbles to himself) Sharon: Ozzy! Oh, Daddy, I want to go shopping! Ozzy? Kelly: I want a record contact! Sharon: Shopping! Kelly: Mommy, yes, shopping! (Ozzy continues to mumble) (A dog walks across the stage, relieves itself, walks off stage) Ozzy: Sharon, who peed on the stage? (Sharon and Kelly banter at each other, exit stage) (Ozzy muddles to himself) (Ozzy sits on the stage’s steps) Ozzy: JACK! (Adrien Brody appears on screen and speaks into the camera) Adrien Brody: Jack, get out well you still can! Trust me! Get cleaned up and get a roommate in West Hollywood or something! It’s for your own good! (Fade out) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
