[Scene begins with the college student (Fallon) sitting on a couch and watching TV in an apartment. He picks up the phone and dials a number, which rings twice before answered. Once it is, the screen splits to show the college student and the insurance salesman (Aykroyd), whom he has called, talking on the phone.]

Insurance Salesman: (answering) Roommate Life Insurance...

College Student: Yes, hello...uh...I just saw a commercial for your insurance policies, and I want to take one out on my roommate...

Salesman: Well, that's what we do here at RLI.

Student: Alright. First off..I’d like to ask some questions about what you will and will not cover. I mean, I don’t want my roommate to keel over, and then be screwed because I didn’t read the fine print.

Salesman: I understand completely sir...whatcha need to know?

Student: Well...could ya start by telling me some of the more common deaths you see with people’s roommates?

Salesman: Sure. Normally, roommates die from automobile crashes, alcohol poisoning, various types of cancer, autoerotic asphyxiation, car bombs, falling from precipitous cliffs, and gunshot wounds inflicted by the policy holder. But just so we're clear, we don't pay out on murder.

Student: (overacting) Oh, I would imagine not! I wouldn't even think about something like that...

Salesman: Good...because, ya know, they sometimes show the commercials late at night and every once in a while, a person will call up with dollar signs in their eyes and get the wrong idea.

Student: Well...uh...you don’t have to worry about that with me sir.

Salesman: Perfect. Do ya have any other questions?

College Student: Yeah. First off, if he dies in an automobile crash, is he covered?

Salesman: I uh...believe I already implied he’d be covered in such a circumstance...

Student: Yeah, but what if the brake lines were cut?

Salesman: (taken aback slightly) Um...well...did you cut the brake lines?

Student: Uh...no...

Salesman: Then he's covered.

Student: Good...what about if he drowns in a pool?

Salesman: Uh...he’d be covered.

Student: But what if some sort of millstone apparatus were tied to his ankle?

Salesman: Well...did you tie it to his ankle?

Student: No...

Salesman: Then he’s covered.

Student: Ok ok...what if he falls down from the toilet and bumps his head, a la Emmett Brown from the Back to the Future movies, but instead crushes his skull?

Salesman: Uh...covered.

Student: But what if he falls down and bumps his head and doesn't die, but does indeed devise some sort of "flux compassitor" and I kill him for the right to patent it?

Salesman: So let me get this straight...he dies right?

Student: Yes...

Salesman: He’s covered.

Student: Wait a minute...wouldn't that be murder?

Salesman: Well...we here at RLI have...uh...recently loosened up the rules on what we will and will not cover in the event a policy holder murders his roommate. So, if ya don't get caught, and ya let me have say...30% of your earnings as a time machine inventor, then he’s covered.

Student: Sweet! What about deaths related to pencils being shot into the heart? Ya cover that?

Salesman: Yeah...

Student: What about pens or slide rules?

Salesman: Covered.

Student: What if a lawnmower blade happens to smack into his face?

Salesman: Covered.

Student: What if an anvil falls on his head after he opens the door to his room?

Salesman: Absolutely covered. We see a lot of deaths caused by Acme products ‘round here...

Student: Ok ok...but what if said anvil has my fingerprints on it?

Salesman: Just your fingerprints? None of your hair or urine?

Student: No...well, what about just fingerprints and urine?

Salesman: Covered.

Student: Awesome! What if he’s abducted by aliens, and they turn him into a trash can with a swastika on the front of it, and my Jewish lady friend sees it and kicks it until it's a useless chunk of metal?

Salesman: Definitely covered...in fact, deaths related to alien abductions and/or angry girlfriends are specifically mentioned in line 35a of your agreement.

Student: Great! It sounds like this policy is really comprehensive! I don't need to hear anymore...I'm as good as signed up!

Salesman: Woah, hold on there buddy! First off, I need the name of your roommate.

Student: His name is Jim Simmons.

Salesman: Ok...wait...is that Simmons spelled with an "s"?

Student: Yes...

Salesman: Oh I know him! He took out a policy about a month ago on...well...you! I think it took effect yesterday...

Student: (nervously) Oh really...

Salesman: Yeah! You fellas are probably a lot alike, huh? I mean, come to think of it, he asked the same types of questions you did...

Student: (even more nervous) He did?

Salesman: Yep. I guess you two are best friends or something...looks like I won't have to worry about murder in you guys' situation, right?

Student: Yes...I mean...uh no, of course not. (muttering) Oh god...

Salesman: Good. Well I’m gonna need your name and a credit card number to get the ball rolling on this...

Student: (hears the front door opening) Hold on...

[Jim Simmons (Meyers) and his Dad (Hammond) enter the apartment.]

Student: (anxiously, to Jim and his dad) Hey guys...what's goin' on?

Jim Simmons: Oh nothin' man. Hey...my dad wants to show you something...

Student: (puts down the phone) Oh yeah? What is it?

Dad: Here, I got you a new...(he pulls a lawnmower blade out from behind his back)

Student: NO!!!

[Jim's dad proceeds to hack at his son's roommate several times until he is surely dead. The salesman’s demeanor remains unaffected by the sounds of agony coming through the telephone.]

Dad: There, son...that should just about do it.

Jim: Just like in Sling Blade!

Dad: (imitating the character from the movie) Uh huh...I like the way you talk...

Jim: Good one dad! (a beat as he looks at the body) Hey, I wonder who he was on the phone with? (picks up the receiver) Hello...who is this?

Salesman: (recognizing his voice) Jim?

Jim: Yes, that's me. (recognizing the salesman’s voice) Oh hey Jerry! How's it hangin'?

Salesman: Oh, it's hangin' just fine! And you?

Jim: Well...uh...not so good. Remember when we talked about a lawnmower blade potentially finding its way across my roommate's face?

Salesman: Sure...

Jim: Well, it just did...it was the strangest thing, you know...

Salesman: Don't worry Jim...it happens all the time.

Jim: So...when can me and my dad get rich?

Salesman: Just come by the office tomorrow and I'll have Janet write you guys a check.

Jim: Sweet! See ya later Jerry!

Salesman: Bye.

[Jim hangs up the phone and the screen is no longer split.]

Jim: Well, that worked out well!

Dad: Sure did son...I'm proud of you!

Jim: Thanks! Hey, wanna go get a coffee?

Dad: Sounds good to me.

[As soon as Jim turns around, his Dad wacks him across the head with the lawnmower blade. His son hits the ground quick.]

Dad: Son? Son? Are you dead? (after there is no response, he yells out the door) Cheryl...call the insurance salesman and start the car up...we're goin' to Vegas!

[Fade to black.]