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Rogers Girl.....Amy Poehler Director.....Dan Aykroyd Spokesperson.....Chris Parnell Voiceover.....Darrell Hammond [Open on the Rogers girl in a completely white room, running around, keeping herself amused.] Director: And cut! Brilliant! Let’s try one more, just for safety footage, alright? Girl: Yeah, I guess that would be ok. I’m really starting to take a shine to these Roger’s commercials, so it’s actually pretty fun! Director: Alright, and lights, camera... Girl: Did you know that it took Moses over 5000 years to cross the desert? I guess that’s what dial-up must feel li-ike. (Her voice starts to crack, as she looks around a little embarrassed. She fixes her throat and continues.) Ahem, as I was saying, dial-up is re-ALLY (Suddenly her voice drops. She fixes her throat again and proceeds.) Um, excuse me. Dial-up must feel like a lot of waiting... (Suddenly, one lump pops out of her chest.) What the hell? [She looks around the room, not knowing whether to continue her lines or stop.] [Cut to a shot of the Director sitting in a director’s chair and his assistants surrounding him, all looking horrified.] [Cut back to the girl.] Girl: Dial-up can not be good for... (We zoom in on her mouth, and like a groundhog sticking its head out of the ground, a full grown moustache sprouts.) [We hear women gasping and men disapproving from around the area.] Girl: So when you think of... (Her brows start to cringe rapidly, as they join into one massive hairy worm-like thing over her eyes.) Girl: Next time somebody says dial-up... (Green bulges start to thrust out of her face.) Girl: In dial-up... (Now she starts to grow at an incredible pace, becoming a giant with a hunched over back and huge hairy forearms.) [People start to run around in a frenzy of fear, one woman jumps into center stage and yells “She’ll kill us all!” as a moment mirroring Godzilla is upon us.] Girl: DIAL-UP [We are taken to an outside shot of a large building, when suddenly the girl comes crashing through the side of it, with people in her hands.] [She stomps down the street and climbs a nearby building, hurling people down towards the street, as police fire up at her.] [A man steps in front of all the carnage, not seemingly affected by it. He is wearing a nice suit with a bell express-vu logo on it, and he speaks in a soft tone.] Spokesperson: Do you want this to happen to you? Will a young girl, turned into a monster attack your neighborhood? If you don’t stop watching Rogers, it will! V/O: This commercial paid for by Bell Express-vu. Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
