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...Keanu Reeves George W. Bush/Announcer...Chris Parnell (OPEN ON FILE FOOTAGE OF VARIOUS PRESS CONFERENCES MADE BY PRESIDENT BUSH--REAL--. SERIOUS MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.) President George W. Bush: "...We Must do whatever it takes to disarm North Korea of all its 'Nucular' Weapons..." (VIDEOTAPE TURNS BLACK & WHITE WITH SLO-MO) Keanu Reeves: (V.O.) It has remained a major issue in the news for some time now... (CUT TO ANOTHER PRESS CONFERENCE) President George W. Bush: "...We have reason to believe that Iraq has an abundance of 'Nucular' weapons of Mass Destruction..." (BLACK & WHITE, SLO-MO) Keanu Reeves: (V.O.) An issue so big, yet so small that no one seemed to notice... (CUT TO YET ANOTHER PRESS CONFERENCE) President George W. Bush: "...We Must see to it that all 'Nucular' Weapons...(REPEATS IN A LOOP) 'Nucular' Weapons... 'Nucular' Weapons... 'Nucular' Weapons are destroyed!" (B&W, SLO-MO.) Keanu Reeves: (V.O) An issue so widespread, It has even leaked into the American Pop Culture... (CUT TO CLIPS FROM VARIOUS TV SHOWS, "24"...) Jack Bauer: "...There's a 'Nucular' Bomb somewhere in Los Angeles that's going to detonate tonight..." ("LIVE W/REGIS & KELLY") Regis Philbin: "...If I hear someone say 'Nucular' again, I'm gonna hit 'em!" ("THE SIMPSONS") Homer Simpson: "'Nucular', It's Pronounced 'Nucular'..." (FREEZE FRAME, IMAGES OF HOMER, REGIS, BAUER & BUSH APPEAR ON A 4-WAY SPLIT SCREEN.) Keanu Reeves: (V.O.) Hasn't the country suffered long enough with worries of Nuclear...You heard me right, Nuclear Fallout? Don't we have enough on our plates with war, the economy, and the government? Well, for those of you who feel that the pronunciation of a certain word ranks high up there on that list, now there's some good news... (4-WAY SHOT SHATTERS TO REVEAL A SHOT OF WHAT LOOKS LIKE A "TiVO" MACHINE SITTING ATOP A TV. SPOKESMAN IS NOW SEEN ONSTAGE) Hi, I'm Keanu Reeves, and No, I don't know Kung-Fu. Introducing the latest innovation from Sony Electronics, "Anti-Nucular TiVO." Just plug it into your TV Set, and not only can you record your favorite shows without commercials, but you can stop someone from saying "Nuclear" the wrong way before it happens. Don't believe me? Check this out, here's what would happen before "Anti-Nucular TiVO"... (CUT TO THE CLIP FROM "24") Jack Bauer: "...There's a 'nucular' bomb somewhere in Los Angeles that's going to detonate tonight..." Keanu Reeves: Now here's the same scene with the new "Anit-Nucular TiVO"... (SAME SCENE PLAYS, BUT A STEPHEN HAWKING-TYPE VOICE IS HEARD SAYING "NUCLEAR" WHEN "NUCULAR" IS SAID.) Keanu Reeves: And If you liked that, just wait until you see the new "Anti-Nucular TiVO Live", (STEPS OVER TO ANOTHER TV SET W/TiVO ON TOP.) This model is made specifically for when someone makes that infamous snafu Live on the air, take a look... (ANOTHER BUSH PRESS CONFERENCE IS PLAYED, THIS TIME W/PARNELL PLAYING BUSH.) President George W. Bush: : "...We have succeeded in eliminating North Korea's vast supply of Nucular Weapons..." Keanu Reeves: Now, let's take another look at the same Press Confrence with the New "Anti-Nucular TiVO Live..." President George W. Bush: : "...We have succeeded in eliminating North Korea's vast supply of Nucular...(THE PRESIDENT IS GIVEN AN SLIGHT ELECTRIC SHOCK.) Ow, Damn you Anti-Nucular TiVO (ANOTHER SHOCK)...OW! Son of a bitch... Keanu Reeves: (CHUCKLES MINDLESSLY) Oh, Dubya, will you ever learn. (TO AUDIENCE) You're probably wondering how and why Mr. President got that shock. Well, I'll tell you that we here at Sony have spared no expense to make it happen. For every Anti-Nucular TiVO Live" that has been activated, One Watt of electircity will be uploaded into a special irremovable Ankle Bracelet (HOLDS UP BRACELET WITH A PRESIDENTIAL SEAL ON IT.) worn By the President. Meaning that once there's enough people hooked up and the President makes that little mistake, Goodbye Dubya, And Hello, Cheney! So if you're one of those people who are just picky about certain words in the English language, get yourself the new "Anti-Nucular TiVO..."(SPOKESPERSON GETS A SHOCK.) OW! What the...(REALIZING THAT HE'S HOLDING THE BRACELET STILL.) Oh, right, the Bracelet. (PUTS BRACELET DOWN.) (CUT TO TITLE CARD.) Announcer: (SUPER) "Anti-Nucular TiVO", Made by (SUPER) Sony, "It's enough to make you go... (IRIS WIPE-UP ON KEANU) Keanu Reeves: (MATRIX STYLE) Whoa! (IRIS OUT) Announcer: (SUPER) Available at Best Buy, and Circuit City. (FADE OUT) Rate or review this sketch | Prior comments |
